The Office

Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 39)

Dwight: Yes, Mr. Galliado. How would you like to pay ten percent less for paper than you're paying right now? It's not important how I got your information. What is important is that you say yes. Good.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Ohhhhhh!
Andy: Website check please.
Meredith: Three hundred and five.
Andy: Three-oh-five. You my friend are winning handsomely.
Meredith: Oop. It just made another sale. Three eighty.
Andy: You my friend are in a very close second.
Meredith: Four-oh-two.
Andy: Okay, uh why don't you just lay off, lady?
Meredith: What do you want me to do, not announce it? Four twelve.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me! I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me 2 plaques in lieu of a pay raise.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: The company is projecting record high sales, and that by 6:00 the website will be the new best salesman in the company. Wow! Watch out Dwight.
Dwight: That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be beaten by a website.
Jim: Actually it sounds like you are.
Dwight: Really? 'Cause Ryan says so?
Kelly: If that's from Ryan, does it mention if he's seeing anybody?
Michael: No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight.
Stanley: Yes, please let us know.
Dwight: I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
Angela: Waste of time.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles?
Angela: Very much. How's your meat?
Dwight: Dry. Delicious.
Angela: I heard a joke today.
Dwight: Oh, that's funny.
Angela: Yes, it was.
Dwight: Are you enjoying your mineral water?
Angela: I can't do this. I can't be with you. Every time I look in your eyes I see Sprinkles' stiff lifeless body.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I'm gonna live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Manheim is 103, and still puttering around in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once, but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: This is a massive overhaul. We're getting younger. Sleeker. And more agile so that we adapt to the market place. All essential personnel will be issued Blackberries for company use.
Michael: Ohhhh. Gimmme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
Ryan: I'll stick around to help you set them up afterwards. Any questions?
Dwight: What if we don't want to use a Blackberry because they are stupid and pointless?
Ryan: This is company-wide, Dwight.
Dwight: Got it.
Ryan: Andy?
Andy: We should call it Dunder Mifflinfinity. You know, push the words together?
Ryan: Any other questions?
Kelly: Can we speak privately about our relationship?
Ryan: Thank you everybody.
 • Rating: Unrated

Angela: What do you want?
Dwight: To give you this.
Angela: Oh, what is that?
Dwight: It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.
Angela: Her name was Sprinkles.
Dwight: And his name is... Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage Don't you Garbage?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Angela: Hey.
Dwight: Hey monkey.
Angela: Any problems?
Dwight: Well you left the TV on, and your cat is dead.
Angela: What!?
Dwight: Sparkles, the white one, is dead.
Angela: Sprinkles.
Dwight: That was the sick one, right?
Angela: Uh-huh. But I thought she had more time.
Dwight: No.
Angela: Did she look... When you saw her how was she looking?
Dwight: Really dead. Like a... just a dead cat.
Angela: [cries]
Dwight: So... Hey come on, don't be sad, just... OK... just. She's in a better place.
Angela: Alright.
Dwight: Actually the place that she's in is the freezer, because of the odor.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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