The Office

Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 39)

Ryan: No. Guys, I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do?
Dwight: I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.
Michael: Shh, just stop. Here's what you do. You tell him that you're his friend and that you're gonna help him and that everyone's gonna be all right. And then you put a wire on him and you find out who's selling him drugs and then you get that guy and you flip up, turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy to the people who's really really bad. Been watching The Wire recently. I don't understand a word of it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Ok, Dwight grab your stuff, we're going to New York to party with Ryan and to meet girls.
Dwight: Yeah!
Andy: Oh yes! Count me in dudes. I am in some serious need of some bro' time. Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately if you know what I'm saying.
Angela: I'm right here.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I don't understand why our website has to have social networking at all.
Jim: Yeah, I actually have to agree with Dwight on that one.
Ryan: It's all about creating a one stop shop consumer experience, alright? You're chatting with your friends, you're talking about the latest music, about the election; all of it is happening in our virtual paper store.
Jim: And then an older gentleman asked you "Boxers or briefs?"
Creed: I don't get the big fuss here, I like the site.
Kelly: If I'd have created a website with as many problems, I'd kill myself.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: You know what you need? Closure.
Michael: You're right. What do you mean though?
Dwight: There was a woman in your life who affected you very deeply, and she left before you could say good bye. I think you need to say good bye.
Michael: Hmm.
Dwight: Come on. I'll drive.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: That is a $200 plasma TV you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe! [Jan runs upstairs crying]
Woman: I'm gonna get going.
Dwight: Fine. Get outta here.
Jim: It's getting late.
Michael: You know what guys? She'll be out of the bathroom real soon.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Michael, what time should I be arriving?
Michael: Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy.
Andy: Hey-o!
 • Rating: Unrated

Karen: Let me ask you. Did you accomplish what you wanted?
Dwight: Listen, lady. You can expect these kinds of repercussions as long as you keep trying to poach our people.
Karen: I'm taking Stanley.
Dwight: Then we will burn Utica to the ground.
Michael: Dwight! Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them. And if you so much as harm a hair on Stanley's head... We will burn Utica to the ground.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: The eyes are the groin of the head.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user, virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores. It doesn't have winners or losers.
Jim: Oh, it has losers.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?
Dwight: [crying]
Jim: Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy... and I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. And then weird stuff, like, food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.
 • Rating: Unrated

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