Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 41)
Season 3, Episode 23: "The Job"
Dwight: Once I'm officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable, fictional, and overqualified.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 3, Episode 21: "Women's Appreciation"
Dwight: I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of, why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community.
Pam: Phallus?
Dwight: Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain.
• Rating: Unrated
Dwight: I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 3, Episode 20: "Product Recall"
Dwight: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.
• Rating: 4.4 / 5.0
Creed: When I went over Wednesday, for the spot-check, I got a call from Debbie Brown, saying she has an emergency dentist appointment.
Dwight: Emergency dentist appointment.
Creed: Now I'm told she told her manager she had the flu. I'm a trusting guy, but uh, I just wish Debbie Brown had been there. We would have caught this.
• Rating: Unrated
Dwight: First rule in road-side beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow, I need this beet right now." Those are the money beets.
• Rating: Unrated
Dwight: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim: ... MICHAEL!
Dwight: Oh, that's funny. MICHAEL!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 3, Episode 19: "Safety Training"
Michael: They use props. They use visual aids, and they just made us look like dopes.
Dwight: Idiots! God, what are we gonna do!?
Michael: I don't know, I don't know. Because you know what our killer is? Depression-
Dwight: Wolves.
• Rating: Unrated
Dwight: Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug.
Dwight: Okay, tell him that that's not true.
Jim: Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.
Dwight: Okay, no, Jim, tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. [Andy walks away] Jim! Tell him!
Jim: Andy... nah, he's too far.
Dwight: Damn you.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
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Total Quotes: 563
