Dwight Schrute Quotes
Angela: What do you want?
Dwight: To give you this.
Angela: Oh, what is that?
Dwight: It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.
Angela: Her name was Sprinkles.
Dwight: And his name is... Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage Don't you Garbage?
- Permalink: What do you want? To give you this. Oh, what is that? It's...
Dwight: Hey monkey.
Angela: Any problems?
Dwight: Well you left the TV on, and your cat is dead.
Dwight: Sparkles, the white one, is dead.
Dwight: That was the sick one, right?
Angela: Uh-huh. But I thought she had more time.
Angela: Did she look... When you saw her how was she looking?
Dwight: Really dead. Like a... just a dead cat.
Dwight: So... Hey come on, don't be sad, just... OK... just. She's in a better place.
Dwight: Actually the place that she's in is the freezer, because of the odor.
- Permalink: Hey. Hey monkey. Any problems? Well you left the TV on, an...
Dwight: So what do you need me to do?
Angela: I wrote it out.
Angela: There's a diabetes shot, roll the insulin in your hand, don't shake it. She gets an ace inhibitor with her meal, but you have to put her right in front of the dish or she won't see it because of the cataracts. Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine, um... and you want to give that to her 15 minutes after she's eaten. And, oh and there's a fungal cream because she has this infection under her tail, so you're gonna have to lift her tail and put the cream right at the base of her tail.
- Permalink: So what do you need me to do? I wrote it out. Mm-hmm. Ther...
Angela: Hey D.
Dwight: Hey monkey, what's up?
Angela: Can you do me a little favor? Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine.
Angela: I have to visit the alchy.
Dwight: Check to see if she's faking. If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. You know what; I bet she cracked it at home. Jumped in front of the car to get some workers comp.
Angela: I wouldn't put it past her.
- Permalink: Hey D. Hey monkey, what's up? Can you do me a little favor? ...
Dwight: It's only Meredith.
Michael: Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God. But did you see the way they looked at me? Like I was a murderer or something.
Dwight: Hey... Why did you do it?
Michael: It was an accident.
Dwight: Was she talkin' back?
Dwight: Did you get sick of that face? Did she owe you money? Uh-oh. Is this downsizing? Did she spurn your advances?
- Permalink: It's only Meredith. Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God. But d...
Pam: Thank God you were there.
Andy: Did you see who did it?
Dwight: No need we can just check the security tapes.
Michael: Gah. Kind of a good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her.
Jim: Who was driving?
Pam: Oh, Michael.
- Permalink: Thank God you were there. Yeah. Did you see who did it? No...
Michael: Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.
Michael: It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... And she is going to be OK.
Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that?
- Permalink: Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by ...
Dwight: You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk. Even if you did follow it with that embarrassing personal confession.
Pam: Thank you.
Dwight: I had to make Andy my number two. It's political, complicated, you wouldn't understand. I want you... to be Assistant Regional Manager.
Dwight: Well, in a sense. Although, publicly I am going to retain the Assistant Regional Manager position.
Pam: You will be your own assistant.
Dwight: Correct, I need someone I can trust. But I would also like the title... to be secretly applied to you. Just stripped of its pomp and frills.
Pam: Okay. So... you would be the Regional Manager, and the Assistant Regional Manager. Andy is your number two. I would be the Secret Assistant Regional Manager.
Dwight: Mmmmmm, let's call it Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.
Dwight: Do you accept?
Pam: Absolutely, I do.
- Permalink: You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk. Even if ...
Andy: It's like staring into my soul, when I look at this wall.
Dwight: It's like outer space without the stars, it's so black.
Andy: This is gonna look so awesome!
Dwight: It's so intimidating! Anyone who comes in here... is gonna have to take me seriously. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!
- Permalink: It's like staring into my soul, when I look at this wall. It's...