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Dwight [Reading suggestions for health care coverage]: Who thought of this one? Anal fissures.
Kevin: That's a real thing.
Dwight: Yeah, but no one here has it.
Kevin: Someone has it.

Dwight: Count Choculitus.
Jim: Sounds tough.
Dwight: Why did you write that down Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
Jim: Do you?

Michael: You know what, here's what we're going to do. Let's go around and everybody, everybody, name a race you are attracted to sexually. I will go last. (Dwight raises his hand) Go!
Dwight: I have two. White and Indian.

Jim: Thanks Dwight.
Dwight: Retaliation. Tit for tit.
Jim: *That* is not the expression
Dwight: Well it should be.

It's okay here, uh, but people sometimes take advantage, because it's so relaxed. And, I'm a volunteer sheriff's deputy on the weekends, and you cannot screw around there. It's sort of one of the rules.

Pam: I was in the meeting with Jan, and she did say that it could be this branch that gets the axe.
Michael: Well, Pam, uh, maybe you should stick to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings.
Dwight: Yeah, Pam. Information is power!

Michael: Now I know there are some rumors out there, and I just kinda want to set the record straight...
Dwight: Uh, I'm Assistant Regional Manager, I should know first.
Michael: Assistant to the Regional Manager.

Downsizing? I have no problem with that. I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview. I say, "Bring it on!"

Dwight

Dwight: You can't do that!
Jim: Why not?
Dwight: Safety violation. I could fall and pierce... an organ.
Jim: [crossing his fingers] We'll see. [to camera] See, this is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me.
Dwight: Downsizing?!

Jim: Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight: What?
Jim: What are you doing?
Dwight: Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate.
Jim: It's not on your desk!
Dwight: It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables. Demarcation.

Displaying quotes 625 - 634 of 634 in total

The Office Quotes

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Dwight

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael