The Office

Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 54)

Dwight: Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him. Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.
 • Rating: Unrated

Angela: It's really happening!
Dwight: Yes.
Angela: We can make a difference here.
Dwight: I will make a difference here.
Angela: You? Alone? 'Cause I thought together we could ...
Dwight: Oh, please, don't be naive. But you could be in charge of the women.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put it?
Dwight: They have this new kind of quick-drying bonding.
Michael: Oh? Sounds like a good dentist.
Dwight: Yeah...
Michael: What's his name?
Dwight: [pauses] Crentist.
Michael: Your dentist's name is Crentist? Hmm. Sounds a lot like dentist.
Dwight: Maybe that's why he became a dentist.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Michael: [looking at hotel bed under black light] Whoa, what are all those stains?
Dwight: Blood, urine or semen.
Michael: Oh god, I hope it's urine.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dwight: (sees Jerome Bettis) Why do they call him The Bus?
Michael: Because he's afraid to fly.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: I need to know who else is gay. I don't want to offend anyone else.
Dwight: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.
Michael: Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Jim told me you can buy gaydar online.
Michael: That's ridiculous.
Dwight: Probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot.
Michael: Let's call him and get the website.
Dwight: Definitely.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: (crying) Jim is g-gone!!! He's gone, I miss him so MUCH!! OOH, I cry myself to sleep!!! JIIIM!! (stops crying) False. I do not miss him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Codename Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim: Oh, I think you mean the Aid to Afghanistan.
Michael: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael: That's a dog.
Pam: No, that's afghan.
Michael: That's a shawl.
Dwight: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael: No, humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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