The Office

Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 55)

Michael: I need to know who else is gay. I don't want to offend anyone else.
Dwight: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.
Michael: Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Jim told me you can buy gaydar online.
Michael: That's ridiculous.
Dwight: Probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot.
Michael: Let's call him and get the website.
Dwight: Definitely.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: (crying) Jim is g-gone!!! He's gone, I miss him so MUCH!! OOH, I cry myself to sleep!!! JIIIM!! (stops crying) False. I do not miss him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Codename Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim: Oh, I think you mean the Aid to Afghanistan.
Michael: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael: That's a dog.
Pam: No, that's afghan.
Michael: That's a shawl.
Dwight: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael: No, humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jim: Ever since I was a little kid, like eight or nine, I could sort of control things with my mind.
Dwight: I don't believe you. Continue.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Michael said, "We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them."
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: It's a nice tux.
Dwight: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so... family heirloom.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure you do.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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