The Office

Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 60)

Dwight: I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections...there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory...
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! I never go out on a Thursday night. What the hell was I thinking?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: Oh, hey. Listen, Jim. Here's a little tip for your performance review.
Jim: Okay.
Dwight: Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders.
Jim: We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders.
Dwight: Oh yes we do.
Jim: No we don't.
Dwight: Yeah, it's a new product. So you should just suggest that to him, and then he'll be sure to give you a raise.
Jim: All right. Well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm going to actually be asking for a pay decrease.
Dwight: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
Jim: Then I win.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dwight: D - Determined W - Worker I - Intense G - Good Worker H - Hard Worker T - Terrific
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. Sorry.
Jim: It's all right.
Dwight: Numerous health benefits: strengthens your back, better performance at sports, more enjoyable sex.
Jim: You're not having sex.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: [sitting on a giant rubber ball] You should get one of these.
Jim: No, thank you.
Dwight: Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb, and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.
Jim: Done.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: Here's what we think happened. Michael's sidekick who, all through the movie is this complete idiot who's causing the downfall of the United States, was originally named Dwight. But then Michael changed it to Samuel L. Chang using a search and replace. But that doesn't work on misspelled words. Leaving behind one "Dwigt." And Dwight figured it out. Ooops.
Dwight: D-W-I-G-H-T.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Announcement: My uncle bought me a bunch of fireworks, so whoever wants to see a real show come with me!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of "Oklahoma!" in the 7th grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that. I was good.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: OK. Let's do this thing. Wish us luck.
Dwight: Good luck, Michael! Good luck, Jan!
Jan: Thank you.
Michael: Kiss ass.
 • Rating: Unrated

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