We figured out your goal. I'm gonna make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen.

Dwight: What do you want?!?!
Darryl: To look good for Val!
Dwight: Val Kilmer?!? I don't buy it. That doesn't make any sense.

How do you think the Fonz got so cool? He stretched his pelvic bowl.

Darryl: I figured I'd start slow.
Dwight: Is that the same philosophy you apply to buffalo wings?

Jim: Stop shoving me.
Dwight: Aww, stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my penis. Grow up.

Does your husband have very soft erections?

Jim has no discernable sense of humor Pam. You should know that.

Pam: And I make sounds much worse than this?
Dwight: Oh we know.

Pam: What are you doing?
Dwight: What does it look like I'm doing? Digging a grave for a horse.

Dwight: Can you tell me now where paper comes from?
Kevin: The man tree puts its penis...

There's no way he hasn't strangled at least one stripper. Oscar.

Dwight: Robert's favorite songs: "Creep" by TLC, "Creep" by Radiohead. Remember that one Jim?

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was puke. I would chug a fifth of socos, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more soco, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight B's. They called me Buzz.

Andy