Michael: Oscar, what were you going to say?Oscar: Nothing. I didn't say anything.
Michael: All right.
Erin: Do I still have a job here?
Michael: Not important. Okay, alright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly, you have a job because Ryan and Pam are starting with us as salesmen.
Dwight: Wait, what?
Stanley: How is that going to work?
Michael: It's going to work very smoothly, because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients from Michael Scott Paper Company and--
Phyllis: You mean the clients you stole from us.
Dwight: Yeah, aren't we getting those clients back?
Michael: No, you lost those clients.
Andy: I call foul, sir.
Michael: Okay.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Charles: So how long can they stay viable?
Jim: What are your top five cases?
Dwight: I'm gonna answer Charles first.
Jim: Because you've solved zero cases.
Dwight: Okay, one. Case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom, case closed.
Charles: Okay, do not go anywhere near the conference room.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dwight: Well, Jerry, the one who got away. May I ask why you're leaving the Michael Scott Paper Company? Really? Please hold. [gets up and runs to kitchen] Charles.
Charles: Dwight.
Dwight: May I have your attention? The Michael Scott Paper Company is broke.
Charles: What? How'd you hear that?
Dwight: They've been calling all of their clients and begging them to pay more money. That can only mean one thing. They're desperate. Which can only mean one thing. They're total failures.
Jim: Great work Dwight.
Dwight: Quiet you.
Jim: No, I mean, great detective work. 'Cause this must be the first case you've ever cracked, right?
Dwight: You don't crack a case. That has pejorative connotation. That's like calling a policeman a cop. You solve a case, and yes, I've solved plenty.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: Now, this is the projection over three months?
Charles: We still have the inventory sitting-- [everyone starts chattering at once]
Dwight: Let me float something out there, okay? Can I just say-- can I say something?
David: Yeah, yeah.
Dwight: There is a hive of bees outside the front door. We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe, put that in his bathroom.
David: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the cheapest option... is to make Michael an offer.
Charles: Yes. Yes, I was gonna say the same thing. We should buy him out.
Jim: Oh, but you didn't.
Dwight: Oh, Man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure.
Charles: What is wrong with you?
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: Now, would corporate approve a temporary price reduction for returning customers?
Charles: God, no.
Dwight: Stupid. Yeah, makes us look weak.
Charles: I agree.
Dwight: I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor.
Jim: Really? Does he do good work?
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Charles: I don't know what to do to inspire these people. Okay, maybe it's my fault-
Dwight: It's not your fault. Some people just don't want to be inspired.
Charles: I wrote a memo to all departments asking them to find ways to save money but, uh-
Angela: Charles, I got your memo. Thank you. I want you to know I'm putting my foot down when it comes to expense reports. Waste not, want not.
Charles: Uh, well said, Angela.
Dwight: Been there, done that.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Charles: Okay, who covers Bans Pet Grooming?
Jim: Oh, they're my client.
Charles: No, they were your client. They just called and told us they're switching over to Michael Scott Paper Company.
Dwight: [sighs] Shame, Jim. I expected more.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dwight: When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland. It was just a lot going on
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: I have dibs. Do you respect dibs?
Dwight: (scoffs) I'm not a barbarian.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Andy: Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song.
Dwight: Cherry Pie, Warrant.
Andy: Better a cappella!
Dwight: No! Really?
Andy: Yeah. Name another.
Dwight: Enter Sandman, Metallica.
Andy: Better a cappella.
Dwight: Rebel Yell, Billy Idol
Andy: Aw!! Way better a cappella
Dwight: Really?
Andy: Yeah.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 411
