The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Edna Krabappel Quotes
Now, I don't want you to worry class. These tests will have no affect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success. If any.
Mrs. Krabappel
Mrs. Krabappel: Take your seat, Bart.
Bart: Oh, please, Mrs. Krabappel, not next to Wendell. He pukes on every bus ride. No offense, Wendell.
Mrs. Krabappel: Be that as it may, it's the only seat left, so get in there!
(Bart takes his seat next to Wendell.)
Wendell: Please try not to shake the seat like that.
Mrs. Krabappel: Now class, I don't want this field trip to be a repeat of our infamous visit to the Springfield State Prison. So, I want you all to be on your best behavior, especially you, Bart Simpson.
Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I didn't unlock that door!
Mrs. Krabappel: But look at these results: fifty-five, forty-two, twenty-six. A twelve on state capitals?
Bart: Okay, okay! Why are we dancing around the obvious? I know it, you know it! I am dumb, okay? Dumb as a post. Think I'm happy about it?
(Martin gives a book report in front of class. Quoting Hemingway:)
Martin: "You're killing me, fish. Never have I seen a greater or more noble thing than you, brother. Come on and kill me. I do not care who kills who. To catch a fish, to kill a bull, to make love to a woman, to live." I thank you. (Bows)
(The classroom is stunned)
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh! Absolutely brilliant! There were moments I truly believed you were Hemingway. Bravo, Martin!
Martin: Oh, please, call me Papa.
(Bart places a ketchup packet on Martin's seat just before he sits down.)
Bart: A little ketchup for your buns, Papa?
(Bart daydreams about still being in the 4th grade as an adult with his own son in the class as well.)
Mrs. Krabappel: All right, class, the topic is world literature. What was the pirate's name in Treasure Island? Bart Simpson.
Adult Bart: Look, lady, I got a peptic ulcer, a wife hocking me for a new car, and I need a root canal. Will ya quit bugging me about the stupid pirate?
Bart Jr.: (Whispers) Psst. Long John Silver, Dad.
Mrs. Krabappel: I heard that, Bart Jr.! I want to see both of you after class today.
Adult Bart: D'oh! Thanks a lot, son!
(Bart has just given a poor book report on Treasure Island.)
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, did you read the book?
Bart: Mrs.Krabappel, I am insulted. Is this a book report or a witch hunt?
Mrs. Krabappel: Then perhaps you'd like to tell us the name of the pirate.
Bart's Brain: Blackbeard. Captain Nemo. Captain Hook. Long John Silver. Peg Leg Pete. Bluebeard.
Bart: Bluebeard?
(Bart listens to Mrs. Krabappel lecture him about his failing grades.)
Mrs. Krabappel: Your grades have gotten steadily worse since the beginning of the term. Are you aware of that?
Bart: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Krabappel: Are you aware that there is a major exam tomorrow on colonial America?
Bart: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Krabappel: Blah, blah, blah-blah. Blah, blah, blah?
Bart: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Krabappel: Blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah.
Bart: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart! You haven't been paying attention to a word I said, have you?
Bart: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, then what did I say?
Bart: Uhhh, "Straighten up and fly right?"
Mrs. Krabappel: (Blows raspberry) That was a lucky guess.
(Mrs. Krabappel awards Bart with an extra point on his test, after demonstrating some applied knowledge; this brings his grade from an F to a D-Minus.)
Bart: You mean, I... passed?
Mrs. Krabappel: Just barely!
Bart: (Gasps) I passed! I got a D-Minus! I passed! (Tearfully joyful) All right!
(Bart kisses Mrs. Krabappel and dances out of the classroom.)
Bart: I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I got a D-Minus! I passed!
(Bart runs around the front of the school showing off his test.)
Bart: I got a D-Minus! I passed! I got a D-Minus! I passed! I passed! I...(Disgusted) kissed the teacher! (Spits, coughs and blows raspberries.)
(Bart shows the whole classroom the tape for his project called, "How Kittens Are Born: The Ugly Truth")
Bart: and here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
All: EWW!!
Bart: We were gonna keep the gray one, but the mother ate her.
All: EWWWWW!!
Martin: Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!
Mrs. Krabappel: As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!
Bart: Oh, look! This is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in.
(The whole classroom screams)
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart Simpson, you're late. Go fill out a tardy slip.
Bart: But I'm only five... (looks at clock) ten, twenty... forty minutes? That's pretty damn late!
Bart: Mrs K, you have to get out of here. When was the last time you washed your hair?
Edna Krabapple: Hmm, two weeks ago...
Bart: Well, that's better than me, but still, you gotta get out
