The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Bart, to avoid this test, you've had smallpox, the bends, and that unfortunate bout of Tourette's syndrome.

Edna Krabappel: Bart has been guilty of the following atrocities: synthesizing a laxative from peas and carrots, replacing my birth control with Tic Tacs...

Bart: From A-Apple to Z-Zebra, "Baby's First Pop-up Book" is 26 pages of alphabetic adventure!
Edna: Bart, you mean to tell me you read a book intended for preschoolers?
Bart: Well, most of it.

Troy McClure: That night came the Honeymoon....
Kids: Eeeeeew!
Edna: She's faking it!

Samantha: All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that you're all probably used to...but I'm not.
Edna: It'll take you about six weeks, dear.

Bart: How would I go about creating a half-man half-apelike creature?
Edna: I'm sorry, that would be playing God.
Bart: God shmod! I want my monkey-man!

Edna: We're going to take a test.
Class: (sighs)
Hoover: We're going to take a test.
Lisa: All right, a test!

Principal Skinner: Some sick individual has stolen every "Teacher's Edition!"
Teacher: What do we do?
Mrs. Krabappel: Declare a snow day!
Teacher #2: Does anyone know the multiplication table?

Some of you may discover a wonderful vocation you'd never even imagined. Others may find out life isn't fair, in spite of your Masters from Bryn Mawr, you might end up a glorified babysitter to a bunch of dead-eyed fourth graders while your husband runs naked on a beach with your marriage counselor!

Jasper: What's eatin' you, woman? Your personal ad said you wanted a man. Well, you got yourself a humdinger!
Edna: I don't know. I guess I expected something different from your photo.
Jasper: Don't let my age fool you. Just 'cause it's a little slow on the roof. I've forgotten how the rest of that goes.

Edna: One scratch-n-win, Apu.
Apu: Mrs. Krabappel, I haven't seen you since we doubled our prices. Still teaching?
Edna: Let's see. scratches lottery ticket One more day, at least.

Edna: After two months at sea, the pilgrims were running out of food and water. Yes, Nelson?
Nelson: Did they have any yo-yo's?
Edna: No, they did not have yo-yo's. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the friendly Indians.
Milhouse: Did the Indians have yo-yo's!?
Edna: No they did not have yo-yo's! That's it! I am sick and tired of talking about yo-yo's. From now on I won't accept any book report, science project, dioramas, or anything else on yo-yo's, or yo-yo related topics. Am I making myself clear?
Bart: Yo!

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 38 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

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