Jerry: Elaine, have you ever gone out with a bald man?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: You know what that makes you, a baldist.

Kramer: Hey, do me a favor...Some guy comes in looking for me, tell him you don't know where I am.
Jerry: Of course, I always do.
Kramer: No, no it's that guy. He's really been bugging me about the jacket.
Elaine: Just give it back to him.
Kramer: Oh, he'll have to kill me.

Elaine: Why do you keep watching?Jerry: I don't know, I'm obsessed with it. It's like a spider in the toilet struggling for survival. And even though you know he's not gonna make it you, you kinda root for him for a second.Elaine: Then you flush!Jerry: Well, it's a spider.

Kramer: Anyway, it's been two years. I mean, isn't there a statue of limitations on that?Jerry: Statute!Kramer: What?Jerry: Statute of limitations, it's not a statue!Kramer: No, it's statue!Jerry: Fine, it's a sculpture of limitations!Kramer: Elaine. Elaine! Now you're smart. Is it statute or statue of limitations?Elaine: Statute!Kramer: Well, I really think you're wrong!

George: Oh, hello, professor.Elaine: George, I cannot believe... George: Please... Elaine: No, there has got be a mistake.George: You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.Jerry: But an 85?

Monica: Is that the test?Elaine: Oh, this... um... yeah... here you go.Monica: Thanks. I hope you do a lot better this time.

Elaine: (to George) Listen, there were too many distractions there. Babuwhatever his name was, and Kramer, I couldn't concentrate.
Jerry: (swaying around mockingly) It was a maaaad-house!
Elaine: Jerry, it was!

Jerry: Why do I always have the feeling everyone's doing something better than me on Saturday afternoon?Elaine: This is what people do.Jerry: No they don't. They're out on picnics, cooking burgers, making out on blankets. Not in some mall in Jersey helping their friends find the world's cheapest air conditioner.

George: Fish. What do they do?Elaine: What do you do?

Elaine: Lippman wants to see me. SEE ME! That can't be good.
Jerry: Maybe you're getting a raise.
Elaine: Maybe I'm getting a wedgie.

Elaine: (on boys giving wedgies, etc.) Boys are sick.
Jerry: What do girls do?
Elaine: We just tease someone 'til they develop an eating disorder!

George: There I was on the steps of the 42nd St. library, a grown man, getting a wedgie.
Elaine: At least it wasn't atomic.
George: It was.

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 212 in total

Seinfeld Quotes

George: Why don't they have salsa on the table?
Jerry: What do you need salsa for?
George: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.
Jerry: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do you have any salsa?" We need more salsa." "Where's the salsa? No salsa?"
George: You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa. "I wanted seltzer, not salsa!"
Jerry: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?! You have the seltzer after the salsa!"

Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Jerry: Svengali.
Elaine: What did I say?
Jerry: Svenjolly.
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
Jerry: George?
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.

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