Elaine Benes Quotes
Elaine: My father thinks George is gay.
Jerry: Because of all the singing?
Elaine: No, he pretty much thinks everyone is gay.
Pipe down, chorus boy.
Mr. Benes
George: (singing) Master of the house, doling out the charm
(later)
Mr. Benes: (singing) Master of the house, keeper of the inn
We had a funny guy with us in Korea. Tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific There's nothing funny about that.
Mr. Benes
Mr. Benes: Are you working?
Elaine: Yeah, I'm reading manuscripts for Pendant Publishing. I told you ten times.
Mr. Benes: Pendant, those bastards!
Elaine: Did you get a haircut?
Jerry: Nope. Shower.
Elaine: You're a little homophobic aren't ya?
George: Is it that obvious?
George: I think you absolutely have to say something to this guy. Confront him.
Elaine: Really?
George: Yes.
Elaine: Would you do that?
George: If I was a different person.
Elaine: And what about the pony huh? What kind of abnormal animal is that?
Jerry: They're like big riding dogs.
George: I just don't see what purpose is it going to serve your going? I mean, you think dead people care who's at the funeral? They don't even know they're having a funeral. It's not like she's hanging out in the back going, "I can't believe Jerry didn't show up".Elaine: Maybe she's there in spirit. How about that?George: If you're a spirit, and you can travel to other dimensions and galaxies, and find out the mysteries of the universe, you think she's going to want to hang around Drexler's funeral home on Ocean Parkway?
(George, Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a table. Jerry and George are wearing baseball uniforms.)
George: Who gets picked off in softball? It's unheard of.
Jerry: It's never happened to me before.
Elaine: I remember saying to myself, "Why is Jerry so far off the base?"
Jerry: I'll have to live with this shame for the rest of my life.
(George consults his stat sheet of the game)
George: And then in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the pop fly?
Jerry: I thought there were two outs.
Elaine: I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. (laughing) I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something.
Jerry: It was the single worst moment of my life.
George: What about Sharon Besser?
Jerry: Oh, well, of course. Nineteen seventy three.
Elaine: Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it?
Jerry: Wonder about what?
Elaine: You know (looking up) the spirit world.
Jerry: You think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex on me?
Elaine: I never saw anyone play like that.
Jerry: But I went to the funeral.
Elaine: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her.
George: Maybe Manya missed the funeral because she was off visiting another galaxy that day.
Jerry: Don't you think she would've heard I was there?
George: Not necessarily.
(pause)
Jerry: Who figures an immigrant's gonna have a pony?
(Elaine laughs)
Elaine: What do you think a hit man would charge to rub out a couple of cats?
Jerry: Well, it couldn't be too expensive. $13, $14 a cat?
Elaine: You want to make $28?
