Jules: Ellie is not a morning person. Or a night person. There's really only about seven minutes a day you are fun to be around.
Ellie: The best part is you never know when they're coming.

Jules: I'm not gonna stand here and be judged by someone who doesn't even have a nineteen year old, and most of all, who thinks there's a ghost in her pickup truck.
Ellie: Then...who keeps moving my sunglasses Jules? Who?

Ellie: I'm gonna say it. The clingy mom act? It's not cute anymore. In fact, it's ugly on you. Just like scarves.
Jules: I look bad in scarves?
Ellie: They give you bird face.

Jules: I put cough syrup in his lemonade and he fell asleep in a hole.
Ellie: You know, out of context, that sounds like a horrible abduction story.

Ellie: Imaginary hat!
Jules: Imaginary hook hands! I don't know what we're doing.

Jules: Name one thing I've done to Travis that is "meddlesome."
Bobby: Watched him sleep.
Ellie: You scared his girlfriend away.
Laurie: You want to live in his blood.

Jellybean! You just simultaneously uttered the dumbest and the smartest things you've ever said!

Kirstin: Trav stop! You're embarrassing me.
Ellie: He can't stop. He was cooked in her baby oven.

All Valentine's day means to me is that it's seven weeks after Christmas.

Jules if we had to elect a group leader it would be you. You bring us all together.

Jules: Ellie, friend test.
Ellie: Fine, I'll come.
Bobby: Friend test?
Jules: Yeah. It's when you call your entire friendship into question and force them into doing something. I came up with it.
Trav: Sounds like you.

Jules: I would like some of that fancy wine.
Ellie: Do it Wayne.
Jules: Oh no! I brought my own glass. It's big Carl. Fill em up.

Cougar Town Quotes

Jules: You see that young gentleman there, I'd love to lick his body
Woman: That's my son
Jules: Ooh, he looks smart

Jules: When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it's always: "Way to go, Tiger!"
Grayson: We don't call each other Tiger. It's always Champ, or Samurai.