Bobby's a very nurturing bitch.

I call that rippin' on D-bags with Ellie.

Ellie: I need a drink.
Grayson: Tough day?
Ellie: No, why?

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Oh I'll take one. I just want to see what date it was so I know not to come.

Talking like a douche is not helping your case.

Call your not stupid wife.

I don't remember taking any hallucinogenic drugs, but why else would I be seeing you in my house?

I did not watch Chapstick, but I did watch him to leave.

Ellie: Stan is a major handful.
Laurie: Bitch please, one of my brother's thought he was a pitbull.

Laurie: Highway to the lady zone, what what.
Ellie: Highway indeed.

Ellie: We're at a public event this is not the place for ear sex and a full body rub down.
Laurie: All you do is take me granted.

What’s the fun of having a yard sale if we can’t mock the low life's that shop there?

Cougar Town Quotes

Tell her I'll get like, jury duty drunk.


Don't hate the player, hate the game, yo!