Scrubs

Elliot Reid Quotes (Page 11)

Elliot: I don't know why I even bother ovulating. Little Haley doesn't have a chance this month... I name my eggs - big frick. Last month it was "Cassy."
J.D.: Ooh, "Cassy"'s pretty.
Elliot: Oh, she would have been, J.D. She would have been.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: My high school boyfriend's an accountant now, and he still does my taxes for free.
Jordan: Mm-hmm.
Elliot: You know what's weird? He also does my brother Barry's.
Dr. Kelso: My son, Harrison, dabbles in sado-masochism and he has a new gimp named Barry. Or is it Larry? At my age, it's getting harder and harder to keep track of his gimps.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Elliot: You can talk to me if you want?
Turk: Elliot, I can't talk to you about sex - I don't understand any of that crazy gibberish you use. Penis is "schwing"-something...
Elliot: "Schwing-schwong," "peepers," or "peep."
Turk: And vagina?
Elliot: Disgusting! But also "bagingo" and "ho-ho"
Turk: I'm trying to get in the mood, right? And Carla's going on and on about her Cervical Muccus.
Elliot: Ap-ap! From now on Cervical Muccus, will be referred to as Icky Sticky.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Turk! Just go back to the way things were. Carla loved it. Don't you get it? Trying to make a baby with you is the sexiest thing in the world to her.
Turk: Elliot, I'm a man. I've been programmed to think that a baby is the worst possible consequence of sex.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Losing a baseball scholarship because a bear ate your arm is a much worse consequence of sex.
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: You have to help me end this angry sex cycle!
Carla: I'm ready.
Elliot: Oh, Carla, uh, Turk's making you mad on purpose because the angry sex is so good. The cycle is broken!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Guys, why?
Carla: The Janitor told us that if we pretended to know about Jiggly Ball, we get to throw tennis balls at you.
Turk: And I couldn't pass it up, dude!
Elliot: I got my shift covered! Heh!
J.D.: I could see where it would be funny from the outside of the circle...
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: I'm proud? Carla! After the wedding, you wouldn't even take Turk's name!
Carla: I use it for official things!
Elliot: Letting him call you Mrs. Turk in the bedroom isn't official.
Turk: But it is officially hot!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: (To Carla) You knew she worked here? I can't believe you kept a secret. Remember before your wedding when you sold me out to Turk?
Carla: You showed up drunk at my shower screaming through tears that I'd never be as emotionally connected to him as you are!
J.D.: Turk knew I was joking.
J.D.'s narration: Because we're so emotionally connected.
Turk: Elliot, nobody respects clinic doctors.
Elliot: Really, Turk? I think your hernia patient does.
Turk: (Laughs) I'm not upset about that.
Carla: It's obvious you are.
J.D.: It's more obvious to me baby...I mean Turk.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: At this clinic, I get to practice medicine for people who really need me. I mean, honestly, I feel like I belong here.
Orderly: Dr. Cole just got stabbed in the parking lot and we're out of gauze. Is it cool if I take lunch?
Elliot: This place is crushing my soul.
 • Rating: Unrated

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