Flight Attendant: Would you like some warm nuts, sir?
Cartman: Haahaha! Warm nuts, she says!

Jesus Asterisk Christ, Stan! People are feeling really cheated by this!

Butters: I asked preacher, what about the New Testament? And he says well you still should ought to read it, but you gonna need to put an asterisk next to Jesus' name when ever it comes up!
Cartman: So weak, dude. Dark times, brah. Dark times.

You know I spent five bucks on that stupid thing?

CARTMAN SMASH!

It's Stan's stupid Captain America costume, that's what throwing everybody off! How's people supposed to get that I'm the Hulk when Captain America is on freaking FaceTime?

Person: Oh, wow! Look honey, it's Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, and Bruce Vilanch!
Cartman: I'm not Bruce Vilanch!
Person: Oh, what are you supposed to be? Oh right, you're supposed to be that uh, uh..
Cartman: The Incredible...
Person: Oh, The Incredible Chaz Bono!

I'm telling you, Butters beat the crap out of Scott and then locked himself in the bathroom!

Security Guy: Ahh! Who are you?
Cartman: [in Bane voice] It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan. You should have respected my authoritah.

Kyle: The Jewish population isn't dying out, fatass, it's growing!
Cartman: What?
Marcus: This is Marcus with InSecurity, is everything alright?
Cartman: Yeah, I just heard some troubling news and it set off my InSecurity.

I may be fat, but I'm not Honey Boo Boo!

This is exactly what Adele is talking about! Our culture celebrates aneorexia, and makes us ashamed that we don't have slim stomachs, and perky little tits like Kyle!

South Park Quotes

Cartman: I'll make you eat your parents.
Ms. Choksondik: What did you say?
Cartman: Nothing

Cock magic isn’t an Asian thing or a Mexican thing. White people do it, too, if they’re poor enough.