Eric Cartman Quotes
(reading box) 'Life-sized Antonio Banderas Blow Up Love Doll;' comes with realistic gen-e-tilia.
Oh sweet. The "Life-Sized Blow-up Antonio Banderas Love Doll." What a cool Christmas present.
(to Nibblet) Ahh! You goddamn chicken from outer space! (He chases Nibblet as Nibblet flies away.)
Cartman: Maybe we should shove a stick up her ass and use her as a puppet. Ooooooooh! Scaaarry Grraaanddmma!
Kyle: Alright Cartman, that does it! That's my Grandma, you show her some Goddamn respect!
( as "Artemus" Clyde Frog) If we save her, I am going to take off her pants and play Slip'N'Slide!
Liane: The babysitter's here, come on downstairs.
Cartman: But, Mo-om, I'm playing Wild, Wild We-est!
Liane: I have to leave soon, Eric.
Cartman: But Ma-a-am! Me and Artemus Clyde Frog still have to do our love scene with Selma Hyea-a-ak!
Shelly: Nobody my age will go out with me because I'm too ugly!
Cartman: You're not ugly.
Shelly: You don't think so?
Cartman: Well, you're pretty ugly, but you don't have to be dating 22 year olds.
(Doing his rendition of Wild Wild West) Well, I'm a badass cowboy living in a cowboy's age, whicky-whicky scratch yo-yo bang-bang. Me and Artemus Clyde Frog go save Salma Hayek from the big metal spider. Whicky-whicky-wick fresh, cowboy from the westside.
Cartman: Look out, Artemus Clyde Frog! It's a giant metal spider!
(Tosses Clyde aside, aims at a plush spider hanging on the edge of his toy box and fires toy gun)
Cartman: Bang! Bangbang!
(Strafes and performs a cartwheel)
Cartman: Yoyoyo, jiggity jiggy with it! Bang bang bang!
(He Tosses a baseball at the spider and knocks it out of the box)
Cartman: We saved the day! The Wild Wild West, The Wild Wild Wild West. Uhyo wicky wicky scratch, Uh wicky wicky scratch
Cartman: (approaches Shelley) Well, go put that pizza in the oven, b*tch! I'm hungry! (she punches him into the wall) Ow!
Shelley: Alright, turd, listen up! Now that your mom is gone, I'm in charge. I don't know how you treat your other babysitters, but when I'm babysitting, you're nothing but a little turd. You're a stinky dried-up stupid turd! Got it?!
Cartman: You can't hit me! Didn't you see those nanny videos on TV? (she punches him, sending him into the wall again)
Shelley: My boyfriend is coming over, so you go to the kitchen, and you make us that pizza before I snap you in half like the little turd-stick you are!
Skeeter: We don't take kindly to your types around here.
Cartman: Did you guys see a big panda bear in here or not?
Skeeter: We don't take kindly to panda bears!
Stan: Well, we don't take kindly to you!
Man at bar: We don't take kindly to folks that don't take kindly around here.
Mr Garrison: Now does anyone know what sexual harassment means? (Cartman raises his hand) Yes Eric?
Cartman: When you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend, and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.