South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralEric Cartman Quotes
Pig with scissors: Oink! Oink! "Be sure you run around with scissors" says Oinky The Run Around With Scissors Pig!
Cartman: I thought you weren't supposed to run around with scissors.
Worm: That's why he's on the Island of Misfit Mascots.
Sexual Harassment Panda: "Article 36, Section 19: One panda may not make sexual comments about another panda's appearance. If said panda does make"
Stan: Ugh, dude, get me out of here!
Cartman: I think Sexual Harassment Panda is cool.
Stan: You would think that, you little a*s-sucker.
Cartman: What did you call me?
Stan: An a*s-sucker. It means you suck a*s. You see an a*s, you suck it. You're an a*s-sucker.
Cartman: That does it! I am suing you for sexual harassment!
Sexual Harassment Panda: Uh-oh.
Stan: What?
Cartman: You have sexually harassed me for the last time! It says right here that now I can sue you and take all of your money.
Sexual Harassment Panda: That's right, he can.
Stan: No you can't, you little a*s-sucker!
Cartman: Oh, you did it again! You all heard him!
Sexual Harassment Panda: "The first party of the first panda may sue the second-party panda unless that panda was said panda aforementioned panda."
(Cartman and Craig are Sumoing)
Cartman: Respect mah authoritah!! (Shoves his ass at Craig)
Craig: Oh, Jesus! I can't take it!
Sumo Trainer: Fight back! Resist the ass!
Craig: How can I resist an ass so great!?!
Sumo Master: It is only an ass! You must overcome the ass with your mind!
Cartman: Well then I guess you won't care about what Tweek said about your mom.
Craig: Nope.
(slams door)
Cartman: GODDAMMIT!
(knocks and Craig opens the door)
Cartman: I guess you won't care about what he said about your guinea pig.
Craig: WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT STRIPE!!
MORAL#1:
Woman: Richard, you have to go on. I want you to be happy.
Adler: But I never got to say goodbye to you.
Woman: Then say it now, Richard.
Richard: Goodbye...
Woman: There. Now are you happy?
Adler: No
Woman: Of course you aren't. Saying goodbye doesnt mean anything. It's the times that we lived in that matters, not how we left it.
Adler: You're right... You're right!
Grandma: Richard! It's me! Grandma!
Adler: Grandma?! Hi, Gram
Corey: Hey, Richard! Remember me?!
Adler: Uncle Corey! Wow, you're all alive again!
Corey: No, we're dead!
MORAL#2:
Stan: Hey, guys. How are ya feeling?
Tweek: Ahh!
Craig: Uhh.
Stan: Yeah, well, we have something to say.
Kyle: We wanted to see who was the toughest. WE made you fight each other. WE made up all that stuff we said.
*Craig flips off boys*
Cartman: Yes, you can flip us off Craig, we deserve that. We just came by to apologize, we feel so bad.
Cartman: When I have you guy's 10 bucks I'm gonna use it to buy the sweetest big screen TV in the world.
Kyle: That's more than 10 bucks you stupid fat ass!
Cartman: But if I get 10 bucks from each of you that's like $2000.
Cartman: Oh, you didn't see it? Tweek's family was on the news saying what a wuss you are Craig.
Kyle: Yea, and then Craig's family came on and said that Tweek was the wuss, and punched Tweek's mom in the hooters.
Tweek: Ahh! You son of a bitch.
Tweek and Craig start fighting again
Cartman: Craig's been ready for this fight for days. He doesn't even view it as a challenge.
Kyle: He'll view it as a challenge when Tweek's kicking his ass!
Cartman: What's that? Kinda sounds like diarrhea coming out of someone's mouth!
Kyle: Craig's going down, Cartman!
Cartman: Pretty soon, you'll be eating those words.
Kyle; No I won't, 'cuz you'd eat them first, tubby!
Cartman: (laughs) Isn't he funny guys?
Stan: No, he's annoying.
Cartman: Hey, you guys! Listen to this song I just wrote. It's called 'I Hate You Guys':
(plays harmonica and sings)
I hate you guys. You guys are assholes. Especially Kenny. I hate him the most.
(Cartman walks into Jakov's house)
Cartman: Hey Jakov!
(Canned audience laughter)
Cartman: Who the hell is that?
