South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralEric Cartman Quotes
Cartman: I have authoritah?
Minister #3 Yes, and people must respect it.
Stan: Oh no. Nothing's worse than Cartman with authoritah.
God, I'm glad you guys know all these pooping-outside rules.
Jimbo: (about Jakovasaur) Well, let's kill it.
Cartman: No, don't.
Jimbo: Huh?
Cartman: I like it.
Kyle: You don't like anything Cartman.
Cartman: (about Jackov) He's the last of his kind you guys, there's only two of them left.
Kyle: Did you smoke some of your mom's crack?
Cartman: Will you stop with the 'mom smoking crack' thing, it's an old joke.
Jackov: Eric, do you have any more cookies?
Stan: Who's that, one of your mom's boyfriends?
(to Eye Doctor) If you call me piggy one more time, I am going to seriously rip your god damn nuts off with my bare hands!
(blind, right next to Kenny's smushed corpse) What happened, you guys? Is Kenny okay?
Cartman: I swear if you call me 'Piggy' one more time, I will rip your balls off with my bare hands!
Eye doctor: Piggy.
Eye doctor: 1 or 2?
(shows a selection of girls)
Cartman: 1.
Eye doctor: 1 or 2?
(1 is an apple, 2 is a chocolate cake slice)
Cartman: 2.
Eye doctor: Goddammit, it's 1!
Stan: Wait, you guys. Maybe... is it possible... that we're just jealous because Chef is our friend, and now he's paying attention to somebody new?
(Silence)
Kyle: Yeah, so?
Stan: Yeah, screw that bitch.
Cartman: Bitch, I hate that bitch!
Eye doctor: Alright, let's get down to business, shall we?
Cartman: Gee, that's nice, my mom didn't pay you to be a comedian!
But mom, I have to tell Chef that he's marrying a succubus!
Stan: We can't fall asleep. We gotta nail that song. You got the tape recorder, Cartman? Cartman?? (taps him)
Kyle: He's asleep. Wake up fat ass!
Cartman: What what what?
Stan: Goddamnit! You can't fall asleep.
Cartman: I wasn't sleeping, I was just thinking really hard!
