South Park

Eric Cartman Quotes (Page 50)

Mr. Garrison: I'm just sorry I ruined everyone's chances to be on TV.
Kyle: Not Cartman, he gets to be on TV anyway!
Mr. Garrison: Really? On what?
Geraldo: Obesity, anaposity, corpulence. Whatever word you use, it still represents one thing. Being a big fat ass. We have now, live via satellite, Eric Cartman, who is now so obese he can't even leave his bedroom.
Cartman: When is this gonna be on the air?
Geraldo: Do you have anything to say to the viewers at home?
Cartman: Follow your dreams. You can achieve your goals; I'm living proof. Beefcake. Beefcake!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Why is it that everything today has to do with things either going in or coming out of my ass?
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Holy crap! Wendy wants to meet me at Stark's Pond after school today.
Kyle: Wow. Maybe you can kiss her.
Cartman: Or slip her the tongue.
Kenny: (muffled) Maybe you can touch her p***y.
Stan: What? How do you know she has a cat?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stan: Oh, hey, Cartman.
Cartman: You guys, I just had the strangest dream...
Kyle: Really? What about?
Cartman: Well, I dreamed I was standing out in a field, and there was this huge satellite dish stickin' out of my butt. And there were hundreds of cows and aliens, and then I went up on the ship, and Scott Baio gave me pinkeye.
Stan: That wasn't a dream, Cartman; that really happened!
Cartman: Oh, right. Why don't I have pinkeye, then?
Kyle: Cartman, you DO have pinkeye!
Cartman: Ah! Son of a bitch!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: No, Ike. You can't come to school with me!
Cartman: Yeah. Go home, you little dildo.
Kyle: What?! Dude! Don't call my little brother a dildo!
Stan: What's a dildo?
Kyle: I don't know... But I'll bet Cartman doesn't know what it means!
Cartman: I do TOO know what it means!
Kyle: Okay, then... What?
Cartman: I'm not telling you...
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Now, do you believe us, Cartman?
Cartman: You guys can't scare me! I know you're making it all up.
Stan: Cartman, there's an 80-foot satellite dish sticking out of your ass!
Cartman: Sure, you guys, whatever.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Whoa, Cartman! You look like you didn't get enough sleep.
Cartman: I know. That's because I was having these bogus nightmares.
Kyle: Really? What about?
Cartman: Well, I dreamed that I was lying in my bed in the dark. When all of a sudden, this bright blue light fills the room. Then slowly, my bedroom door begins to open. And the next thing I remember, I was being dragged through a hallway. Then I was lying on a table and these scary hands wanted to operate on me. And they had big heads and big black eyes...
Stan: Dude! Visitors!
Kyle: Totally!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: What's gonna be for lunch today Chef?
Chef: Well, today it's Salisbury steak with buttered noodles, and a choice of green bean casserole, or vegetable medley.
Cartman: Kickass.
 • Rating: Unrated

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