Johnny Galecki: Eric, would you like to take this around the corner?
Eric: I'll bang your smug face out right here.
Galecki: Respected actors don't get into public brawls.

Eric: Scott, you know, this is why I knew not to partner up with you, because you are a self-centered jerk off.
Scott: And this is why Eric, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, you are a little b*tch.

Johnny Drama: Bro, didn't I used to bang her sister?
Vince: Yeah, actually she said she asked about you.
Drama: Of course.
Turtle: She probably wants to find out if you were the one who gave her the herps.
Drama: Well at least I get laid often enough to be a suspect.
Eric: Interesting logic.

Johnny Galecki: She tried to f*ck me last year at the Golden Globes. Followed me right into the men's room.
Eric: Really?
Johnny Galecki: Or maybe I followed her into the ladies room. I was a little busted up. Either way...

Vince: Hey, there's my motherf*cker. Get it?
Eric: Oh I get it, hilarious.
Johnny Drama: I don't get it.
Turtle: Mother f*cker. E f*cked the mother.
Drama: Oh you mean step mother f*cker. I get it! That's funny bro.

Eric: I mean, who's the last person you signed Scott? The third ballerina from the left in 'Black Swan?'
Scott: Yeah. She got signed and I got sucked.
Eric: You're not serious.

Eric: You're going to drink vinegar?
Johnny Drama: Yup, we're all going to do it. For solidarity.
Turtle: Whatever we gotta do, Vin.
Scott: Well I'm new to the team so maybe I'll just sip it.
Johnny Drama: Pussy.

Johnny Drama: The guy was a mess.
Scott: Yeah, even more so now. What do brains look like?
E: Jesus.
Scott: Come on, I'm curious.
Turtle: They're gross. They look like mashed up spaghetti and meatballs.
Johnny Drama: They used kosher egg noodles and cottage cheese when I got shot in the head on New York Undercover.

Eric: I just had sex with Sloan two hours ago. I'm not going to call another girl."
Johnny Drama: Why not? Double headers are the best.
Turtle: Yeah, just shower.
Drama: No f*ck that, I wouldn't even brush my teeth. Just splash a little water on it and you're good to go.

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