Evelyn Harper Quotes
Charlie: It's called a bait-and-switch, and it's a felony!
Evelyn: Oh, well, look at you, taking a moral high ground, and with nary a bottle nor a whore in sight. Bravo
- Permalink: It's called a bait-and-switch, and it's a felony! Oh, well, lo...
Evelyn: It's one thing to diddle the help, but another thing to dine with them.
Alan: Naomi's not the help.
Evelyn: Oh, forgive me. She's the maid's round-heeled daughter. I mean, I'd expect this from Charlie. He'd hump a grilled cheese sandwich.
Charlie: Thanks, Mom
- Permalink: It's one thing to diddle the help, but another thing to dine wit...
Evelyn: You know it's tacky to arrive empty-handed. Perhaps we should stop and get a box of wine or some aerosol cheese.
Charlie: Whoa! Mom, you're on fire tonight!
Evelyn: It's the new meds. They mix well with liquor.
Alan: This was a bad idea.
Evelyn: Charlie, didn't you tell him that's the gay ear?
- Permalink: You know it's tacky to arrive empty-handed. Perhaps we should st...
Evelyn: I forbid you to see this woman anymore.
Charlie: You forbid? What gives you the right to forbid? I'm 39-year-old.
Evelyn: I'm your mother, you are 40, and you must not see this woman anymore!
Charlie: Mom, you know that just makes me want her more.
Evelyn: Charlie I mean it!
Charlie: I'm getting hotter.
Evelyn: Look I know certain things about Gloria's past which are, well, unsavory.
Charlie: Okay, I'm going supernova.
Evelyn: Will you listen to me! If you continue to see this woman it will hurt me deeply.
Charlie: I may have to marry this girl
- Permalink: I forbid you to see this woman anymore. You forbid? What gives...
Evelyn: How many pieces of bacon are you going to eat?
Jake: My record's fourteen. I barfed, but it still counts
- Permalink: How many pieces of bacon are you going to eat? My record's fou...
So, Lydia, what do you do? I mean, besides my son
- Permalink: So, Lydia, what do you do? I mean, besides my son
Evelyn: Charlie was a planned baby.
Alan: What was I?
Evelyn: Well, dear, you were a pitcher of margaritas and a gas station condom
- Permalink: Charlie was a planned baby. What was I? Well, dear, you were...
Charlie: I think I'll go to the bathroom.
Charlie: What do you mean "why"? I have to go.
Evelyn: When was the last time you had a prostate exam?
Charlie: It feels like I'm having one now
- Permalink: I think I'll go to the bathroom. Why? What do you mean why? ...
Evelyn: So, how is work?
Evelyn: Are you seeing anybody special?
Evelyn: Charlie, did you ever stop to think that our relationship is strained because you won't let me in? You won't share.
Charlie: You know why I won't share with you, Mom? Because anything I say will be used against me.
Evelyn: Oh please...
Charlie: I have to go to the bathroom, maybe I have a prostate problem. I buy a new Mercedes, you call it a Nazi phallic symbol. I'm seeing someone new, you ask if I'm paying her by the hour, or per schtup!
- Permalink: So, how is work? Fine. Are you seeing anybody special? Nop...