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I'm very disappointed in Lupe.

Kramer: You know, things are going pretty well for me here. I met a girl.
Jerry: Kramer, she was murdered!
Kramer: Yeah, well I wasn't looking for a long term relationship. I was on TV.
George: As a suspect in a serial killing.
Kramer: Ok, yeah, you guys got to put a negative spin on everything.

George: We're friends of a serial killer.
Criminal: Oh, that's nice.
Jerry: Suspected serial killer, he didn't actually do it.
George: We're pretty sure he didn't do it.

Jerry: He says ask somebody, ask that guy right there.
George: Excuse me, where are we?
Man: Earth.
Jerry: You know I'm on the phone with the police, some guy just gave me a wise answer.

A pay phone in L.A. Look, it's a miracle.

I can't ask them for change. They always make a face. It's like I'm asking them to donate a kidney.

(before going through a metal detector) I've always been a little nervous about these things. I'm afraid I'm going to step through into another dimension.

Jerry: (seeing George's big pile of luggage) It's a three day trip. Who are you, Diana Ross?
George: I dress based on mood.
Jerry: But you essentially always wear the same thing.
George: Seemingly. But, within that basic framework, there are a number of subtle variations, visible only to the trained observer, that reveal the many moods, the many shades, of George Costanza.
Jerry: And what is this?
George: This is morning mist.

Alrighty, so that's one tuck and one no tuck.

Jerry: So I guess it's fair to say you've set different goals for yourself than say, Thomas Edison, Magellan, these types of people.
George: Magellan? You like Magellan?
Jerry: Oh, yeah. My favorite explorer. Around the world. Come on. Who do you like?
George: I like DeSoto.
Jerry: DeSoto? What did he do?
George: Discovered the Mississippi.
Jerry: Oh, like they wouldn't have found that anyway.

Carrie: Thank you for a wonderful time, George.
George: Glad you enjoyed it.
Carrie: I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time.

Carrie: It's over buddy. Done. Finished. So long. Good bye. Adios. Sayonara.
George: Why?
Carrie: I've been thinkin' about it. You got no job. You got no prospects. You're like Biff Loman.
George: I went to the hardware store interview.
Carrie: You think I'm going to spend my life with somebody because he can get me a deal on a box of nails?

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 357 in total

Seinfeld Quotes

Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Jerry: Svengali.
Elaine: What did I say?
Jerry: Svenjolly.
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
Jerry: George?
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.

I can't get a massage from a man.

George