George Costanza Quotes
Elaine: Michael called me today, and he asked me where Robin was.
George: Yeah, okay.
Elaine: And I said I hadn't seen her.
Elaine: No, no George! You don't understand! She didn't tell me she was using me as an excuse! Okay?! But then I realized what was going on, and I said that she left a note. Um, but he didn't really buy that. And then, and then he did mention your name.
George: He mentioned my name?! What did he say?!
Elaine: He said he was going to sew your @$$ to your face.
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An affair? That's so adult. It's like martinis and stockings and William Holden.
- Permalink: An affair? That's so adult. It's like martinis and stockings and...
Hello, Ma? It's me. Guess where I am? In the back of a limo. No, nobody died. It's a long story, I can't tell you now. Because I can't. I said I can't. If I could, I would. Would you stop it. All right, look, I'm getting off. No, I'm not telling you. How's this - I'm never telling you. I don't care. No. Fine. Never!
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Jerry: Who's gonna be O'Brien?
George: I'll be O'Brien.
Jerry: Who am I?
George: You're you.
Jerry: Just me?
George: You don't wanna be you?
Jerry: Well, if you're gonna be O'Brien, why can't I be somebody?
George: Like who?
Jerry: Dylan Murphy.
Jerry: What, now you wanna be Dylan Murphy?
George: Well, I like Dylan.
Jerry: You could be Colin.
George: Okay, Colin O'Brien.
Jerry: I'm Dylan Murphy.
George: I'm Colin O'Brien.
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Jerry: I'll tell you one thing, this chauffeur's gonna be waiting a while. O'Brien's not showing up.
George: How do you know?
Jerry: He was in Chicago. Flight was overbooked; they wouldn't let him on the plane. He kept screaming how he had to get to Madison Square Garden.
George: We should take his limo.
Jerry: Yeah, right.
(Jerry begins to walk away, but George suddenly stops him)
George: Wait a second. Think about it. He's not showing up. Wait till you see the line for cabs, it's, like, 45 minutes long. You said he's in Chicago.
Jerry: He's definitely in Chicago.
George: Well, the guy's just standing there.
(Jerry looks at the chauffeur, who checks his watch)
Jerry: How would we do it?
George: We just go up to him and say, "We're O'Brien."
Jerry: Maybe he knows O'Brien.
George: No, he doesn't know O'Brien, if he knew O'Brien, he wouldn't have a sign.
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I am not O'Brien! I am not O'Brien! I repeat, I am not O'Brien! Ask anyone! Jerry! JERRY!.</i> George
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George: Look, let's just jump out of the car.
Jerry: We're going sixty miles an hour!
George: So, we jump and roll, you won't get hurt.
Jerry: What are you, Mannix?
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(George is giddy with excitement as he and Jerry are sitting in the back of O'Brien's limo)
George: This is incredible! This is one of the greatest things I've ever done in my life! I'm gonna call my mother.
Jerry: What for?
George: I dunno, I'm in a limo.
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George: (reading the speech he's been given) ". . . and so the Jews, through their Zionist occupied governments, use the black man to import drugs into our underprivileged, white, minority communities."
Jerry: You're not going to open with that, are you?
- Permalink: . . . and so the Jews, through their Zionist occupied government...