Jerry: It's like my brain is facing my penis in a chess game. And I'm letting him win.
George: You're not letting him win. He wins till you're forty.
Jerry: Then what?
George: He still wins but it's not a blowout.

George: It's like going to the bathroom in front of a whole bunch of people and not caring.Jerry: It's not like that at all!

I'm going straight to hell, no two ways about it.

Very exciting, very exciting, it's like watching a birth!

George: You won't think I'm a bad person?
Jerry: Too late for that.

This is like a Penthouse letter. Why can't I meet women like this?

Great! They have one billion people and he found a relative.

All right...I've become attracted to Elaine.

George: Ask them, are there any side effects.Ping: (joking) Impotence.

George: She had this throaty, sexy kind of whisper.
Elaine: Really , like a... like a... (sexy whisper) Jerry, I want to ssslide my tongue around you like a sssnake... Oh... Oh!

Kramer: Spector gave it to me. He's giving everything away... becoming a minimalist.George: Is that the guy who likes fat women?Jerry: Doesn't the fat fetish conflict with the minimalism?

Jerry: How'd you do on the IQ test?George: (irate) 85!

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Seinfeld Quotes

Susan: (pounding on Kramer's door) Kramer! Kramer!
Jerry: What's that? What's going on?
Susan: Kramer, open up, I know you're in there!
Jerry: Susan.
Susan: Kramer!
Jerry: What is going on?
Susan: You know what's going on? First, he vomits on me! Then, he burns down my father's cabin! And now, he's taken Mona away from me!

Dolores: Oh, Jerry.
Jerry: Oh...you.