George Costanza Quotes

Monica: I need to get something.George: Monica, I'm really focused here, this stuff's a killer.Monica: George!George: Wish I could.

Monica: Where did you get the coffee?George: Where did I get the coffee? Where do think I got the coffee, from the grocery store.Monica: How did you get there?George: I walked.Monica: How did you get out of the apartment? I didn't see you leave.George: I climbed out the window.Monica: You climbed out the window?George: Of course.Monica: Why didn't you go out the door?George: The door? Why would I go out the door? The window is right here.Monica: You are a fascinating man, George Costanza.

George: People think that I'm smart, but I'm not smart.Jerry: Who thinks that you're smart?

George: She wants me to take an IQ test.Jerry: 'Cause you're stupid enough to wear the cologne.

George: Oh, hello, professor.Elaine: George, I cannot believe... George: Please... Elaine: No, there has got be a mistake.George: You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.Jerry: But an 85?

Jerry: Go ahead, you're taking the IQ test.
George: Yeah, and she's gonna find out I'm a moron. You know, people think I'm smart, but I'm not smart.
Jerry: Who thinks you're smart?

(explaining how he got food on his IQ test) I had a sandwich in my pocket.

George: If I am not in front of my building at 6:15 when my parents get there, they are going to put me on an aggravation installment plan that will compound with interest for decades.

Kramer: Purple 23, remember that.George: Yeah, that I'm supposed to remember. Where the car is, that's insignificant.

George: Fish. What do they do?Elaine: What do you do?

I can't carry a pen, I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum.

We're like rats in some experiment.

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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