George: The light is blinking: "Come and listen to the idiot!"

Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pair. That way I only have to do wash once a year.

George: (singing) Master of the house, doling out the charm
(later)
Mr. Benes: (singing) Master of the house, keeper of the inn

Jerry: This jacket has completely changed my life.
George: Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunched heterosexuality. It's fabulous.

George: I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed Fair Game. I thought it was just brilliant.
Mr. Benes: Drivel.
George: Maybe some parts.
Mr. Benes: What parts?
George: The drivel parts.

And I'll tell you something else, I'm not even going to ask you. I want to know. But I'm not gonna ask. You'll tell me when you feel comfortable. So what was it? Four hundred? Five hundred? Did you pay five hundred for this? (Jerry coyly ignores George's questions, while George grows increasingly serious.) Over six? Can't be seven. Don't tell me you paid seven hundred dollars for this jacket! Did you pay seven hundred dollars for this jacket? Is that what you're saying to me? You are sick! Is that what you paid for this jacket? Over seven hundred? What did you pay for this jacket? I won't say anything. I wanna know what you paid for this jacket! Oh my God! A thousand dollars? You paid a thousand dollars for this jacket? All right, fine. (George heads for the door) I'm walking outta here right now thinking you paid a thousand dollars for this jacket, unless you tell me different. (Jerry remains silent) Oh, ho! All right! I'll tell you what, if you don't say anything in the next five seconds, I'll know it was over a thousand.

Jerry: How are we going to get out of it?
George: We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home.

(mocking Alton Benes) He's in the bathroom.

Elaine: You're a little homophobic aren't ya?
George: Is it that obvious?

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