Glenn Quagmire Quotes
God this itches! I wonder who I got it from. Probably that skank that I gave a ride to the gas station. Last time I do someone a favor. Oh God! They heard me! Oh god! I heard me! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!Quagmire [thinks to self]
Hey Peter, can I borrow your lawnmow... [sees Lois naked] Aaahh! Any of you folks got a towel?
Quagmire: Hey, maybe we should set him up with another lemon snow cone, eh?
Peter: Oh thanks, the last one you gave me didn't taste like lemon at all. It tasted like...oh you guys are asses!
Dear Diary, Jackpot!Quagmire [after finding a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
Auctioneer: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty bucks!
Auctioneer: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioneer: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks!
Quagmire: Hey baby, how about showing me your Lower East Side?
Quagmire: Whoa, transvestite! Wait a moment, pre-op or post-op?
Quagmire: Whoa, transvestite! Back off!
Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Quagmire: 18? You first.
Quagmire: I like where this is goin'. Giggety, giggety, gig-get-ty
I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through
Quagmire: Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys! Where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I!
Cleveland: Quagmire. You forgot to say "oh".
Quagmire: You sure? I think I did... Well, just to be safe. Oh!
Joe: Say hello to our newest narc.
Quagmire: Oh, yeah? (to Brian) How good are you?
Brian: (Sniffs) You're back from Manila. You had lumpia for dinner. Then you made love to two Filipino women. (Sniffs) And a man.
Quagmire: You mean three Filipino women. (Brian stares blankly) NOOOOO!
Joe: Hey, Quagmire! You wanna come camping with us?
Quagmire: Sorry, boys. The only tent I'm gonna be pitchin' this weekend is... well, you can see where I'm goin' with this. Oh
Quagmire: I'd do everything to you.
Quagmire: I'd do anything for you