Glenn Quagmire Quotes
Hey Lois, I'm ready for your pie. And you made dessert too, oh!
- Permalink: Hey Lois, I'm ready for your pie. And you made dessert too, oh!
Lois: Meg, stop staring at Mr. Griffin. I'm sorry Peter, I'm afraid she has her father's libido.
Quagmire: What can I say? I'm a Vagittarius. Oh!
Chris, Meg, and Stewie: (all laugh) Giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity.
- Permalink: Meg, stop staring at Mr. Griffin. I'm sorry Peter, I'm afraid sh...
Molly Ringwald: Hey, did you guys hear on the news about President Gore hunting down and killing Osama Bin Laden with his bare hands?
Lois: I know! Who would have thought Bin Laden was hiding out in the cast of MADtv?
Quagmire: Man, the perfect hiding spot. The one place no one would look.
- Permalink: Hey, did you guys hear on the news about President Gore hunting ...
Cleveland: Hey Quagmire, how was your date last night?
Quagmire: Cleveland, it was amazing. You know what I discovered last night? Women have a fourth hole.
Quagmire: Yeah, I mean it's only visible if you're looking from exactly the right angle, like the entrance to Hogwarts. But ya gotta believe that it's there.
Peter: Man, I envy you single guys. No families, partying whenever you want. These are the only people I get to party with. (holds out his wallet, with a picture of the kids)
Quagmire: (Pointing to Meg) Oh, that's where the fourth hole is, right there. Right there in the back of the knee.
- Permalink: Hey Quagmire, how was your date last night? Cleveland, it was ...
Cleveland: Boy, this election's gonna be a tight one.
Quagmire: Probably gonna be decided by just a couple of votes.
Peter: And here we are sitting here like a bunch of lazy paraplegic cops.
Peter: Oh, I'm sorry, Joe. It's just an expression.
- Permalink: Boy, this election's gonna be a tight one. Probably gonna be d...
(Peter rings Quagmire at the ballet)
Peter: Hey, Quagmire.
Quagmire: Hey, Peter. Whats up?
Peter: I'm stuck at the stupid ballet.
Quagmire: Get out of here! You serious? So am I.
Quagmire: Yeah, I got dragged here by this broad I'm trying to nail.
Peter: Where are you sitting?
Quagmire: Look across at the other balcony. I can see you.
Peter: Oh my God, we're both here! What do we do, what do we do?
Quagmire: Oh my God, we should text each other. Hang up, Hang up.
(Peter's phone vibrates, he reads the text)
(Peter texts Quagmire back, Quagmire reads it)
- Permalink: Hello? Hey, Quagmire. Hey, Peter. Whats up? I'm stuck at t...
(reading a sign on Church door that says "Organist Wanted.") Huh-huh, all right! (Runs inside Church, unzips pants, gets slapped) Ahh. (comes back outside) Why do you say organist if you don't want... I don't understand the world anymore.
- Permalink: Huh-huh, all right! Ahh. Why do you say organist if you don't...
Lois: Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet.
Quagmire: Well ya know Lois, I gotta confess, when you called me, I sort of misunderstood what you were asking for. That's why I rushed over, but it's fine, it's fine, I'm happy to help.
- Permalink: Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet. Wel...
Quagmire: (Pointing to strip of carpet.) Hey, uh, Lois, do you want me to leave a little strip in this thing? Maybe a lightning bolt, a unicorn, or something like that?
Lois: No, I want it all gone Glenn.
Quagmire: All right, we're going Brazilian!
- Permalink: Hey, uh, Lois, do you want me to leave a little strip in this th...