Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Jay: You want scary? When I was his age I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis. I slept with a butter knife under my pillow in case I had to fight some Soviet colonel.
Gloria: Why?
Jay: Because I could identify all the Commi planes.
Gloria: What are we talking about?!?

Gloria [at chess]: Look at this, papi!
Jay: Easy, you can't sing "We Are The Champions" without your Queen.

Gloria: This part of town, might be very rough, but the people here, Cameron, are the best!
Cameron: I'm pretty sure I had wheels when I parked here.

Gloria: And you really didn't know he was gay?
Jay: I must have, right?

I'm Columbian, I know a fake crime scene when I see one.

It's hard to sleep in a bed of lies, isn't it, Jay?

He comes from a long line of fishers and smugglers. But I encourage the fishing.

Gloria: What about the pigeons?
Jay: I don't like them. They're shifty.

Manny, you were afraid to light the barbecue, but now your eyebrows have grown back and your salmon is legendary!

Does he have a mallet? Then how does he get hit in the head?

Jay, you look so strong and sexy. Like an Olympic wrestler, but with money

I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes.

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 143 in total