Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Gloria: What about the pigeons?
Jay: I don't like them. They're shifty.

Manny, you were afraid to light the barbecue, but now your eyebrows have grown back and your salmon is legendary!

Does he have a mallet? Then how does he get hit in the head?

Jay, you look so strong and sexy. Like an Olympic wrestler, but with money

I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes.

This is not art. This is an unholy mix between man and beast.

It's very important to Manny that you two go have a nice picnic in the mountains.

Gloria: Every culture has their own traditions. For example, in our culture, the Baby Jesus is the one that brings the presents, not the Santa Claus.
Jay: That's doesn't make sense. How could a new born baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
Manny: At least a baby could fit through a chimney.
Jay: How could you sit on the Baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish him.

We can't get Luke a crossbow, he pokes himself in the eye every time he uses a straw.

Gloria [about Haley]: When I was her age I loved my grandfather, but I still wanted to be with boys.
Jay: I know, so did Claire.. and Mitchell.

Gloria: So take back your sword and go fight this sword like a bull!
Manny: Okay.
Gloria: I can't hear you.
Manny: Okay!
Jay: I can't hear you!
Manny: That's really as loud as I can go.

Jay: When I first heard Manny wanted to fence I was like sure, uncoordinated kid, lethal weapon, how could this go wrong?
Gloria: What do you think now?
Jay: I'm proud of our little Zorro

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 136 in total
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