Gloria: Where I come from, brothers respect each other.
Jay: That's why Colombia is such a peaceful country.

Gloria: Tell them we don't want our bodies inside these drawers where God cannot find us.
Jay: These aren't like our drawers at home. People can find stuff here.

Ta-da is for when you do a flip or where the magician cuts the pretty lady in half, not when you show someone where you want to shove their dead body.

Gloria: I do Jay. Why can't I do you?
Phil: You can... do me.

Now we know. You are romantic, and I'm smarter than you. And I bought you a motorcycle.

I am the second wife Jay, why do you treat me like I'm the first?

It sended! Please come back!

Claire: Gus is a symbol.
Gloria: A sex symbol?

In Colombia, you can't go to the hospital for every little sniffle or dislocated shoulder.

Why do I almost always kill my husbands? I will never forget you, Jay!

Jay: We finish each other's sentences. Like, tonight we are going to... Gloria: Have so much fun!

That doesn't make any sense! Who wants to live in a world where dogs eat each other? Doggy-dog world is a beautiful world filled with little poh-pees.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


That's the funny thing about marriage, you fall in love with this extraordinary person and over time they begin to seem ordinary. I think it's all the nagging.