Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Why do I almost always kill my husbands? I will never forget you, Jay!

Jay: We finish each other's sentences. Like, tonight we are going to... Gloria: Have so much fun!

That doesn't make any sense! Who wants to live in a world where dogs eat each other? Doggy-dog world is a beautiful world filled with little poh-pees.

He scared the baby cheeses out of me!

A bruja is a witch! A gar-golll is a gar-golll.

Oh, here we go, because in Colombia we trip over goats and we kill people in the street! Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!

Gloria: I took him to a farm where he has plenty of room to run.
Jay: That's the second thing they say when something's dead.

This guy's been working like an imbecile all day for you.

In my culture, mothers are very clingy to their sons. In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian women is when their sons get married. But I'm not like that.

The question is, why isn't all your underwear good, Jay? You make a nice living!

I thought one of the advantages of marrying an older guy was that I was going to be able to relax. But all of this swimming and running and rowing, it's just like how some of my relatives got into this country!

Jay: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven and landed on earth.
Gloria: I didn't... oh, because I'm an angel!

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 143 in total