Gloria: I do Jay. Why can't I do you?
Phil: You can... do me.

Now we know. You are romantic, and I'm smarter than you. And I bought you a motorcycle.

I am the second wife Jay, why do you treat me like I'm the first?

It sended! Please come back!

Claire: Gus is a symbol.
Gloria: A sex symbol?

In Colombia, you can't go to the hospital for every little sniffle or dislocated shoulder.

Why do I almost always kill my husbands? I will never forget you, Jay!

Jay: We finish each other's sentences. Like, tonight we are going to... Gloria: Have so much fun!

That doesn't make any sense! Who wants to live in a world where dogs eat each other? Doggy-dog world is a beautiful world filled with little poh-pees.

He scared the baby cheeses out of me!

A bruja is a witch! A gar-golll is a gar-golll.

Oh, here we go, because in Colombia we trip over goats and we kill people in the street! Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Cameron: If I wasn't in school or fishing, I was clowning. There are four types of clowns: a tramp, Auguste, a whiteface, and a character. I am a classically trained Auguste clown named Fizbo.
Mitchell: Between the clowning and the fishing, I'm surprised you had time for the schooling. Aww, there's the fifth type, the sad clown.
Cameron: A sad clown is a tramp.. so there's still only four types.