Michael: ...But I can't. I have to teach George Michael how to drive.
Gob: Michael if I make this comeback I'll buy you one hundred George Michael's you can teach to drive.
Michael: You're losing blood aren't you?
Gob: Probably. My socks are wet.
Michael: I'm sorry.
Gob: You'll be sorry! Wait that doesn't work after his line.

Gob: My middle finger and index finger are --
Dr. Stein: Switched! For the first time ever.

Buster: Now, our magic trick.
Gob: Illusion.
Buster: Silent, slave! In this magic trick, I'm going to put a sword through my assistant's tummy. May I have the trick sword, please?!
Gob: It's a real sword, (sarcastically) master.

(After Indian candidate's video)
Gob: (hiding in crowd) Go home, you terrorist!
Michael: How stupid do you have to be to say something like that ...?
Gob: (revealed) You're not wanted here!

Gob: I figured out a way to make money while I'm working.
Michael: But that is what we call working.

(referring to Ann) Plus, she's religious. That one gets pregnant, it stays pregnant. Believe me, I dated a chick like that once in high school ... no, I didn't.

Gob: Well, guess who's been fired.
Lucille: Michael fired you?
Gob: No, I fired him. As a result, I'm no longer welcome in the office.

(referring to Steve Holt) This kid's popular? Looks like a chick I did once in high school.

Michael: You know, if that hand is still intact inside the seal, Buster's got a shot at a transplant.
Gob: At the very least, we can get Buster's Swatch back, right?

Michael: Ok, that would be disgusting if you'd actually slept with her, but I don't think you did.
Gob: I did and it was disgusting.
Narrator: They didn't, but it would have been.

Barry: You really wanna settle this, now your job is to convince that "wife" of yours that you are willing to go in front of a judge and admit that you never had sex.
Gob: She has a name Barry. You don't happen to know what it is by the way, do ya?
Barry: That's why I want to settle...I'm not "super prepared".
Gob: Well, we did have sex...and I'm not a great liar.
Narrator: Both things he just said were lies.

Barry: You don't want to go in front of that judge. I caught him in a drag club.
Gob: What were you doing there?
Barry: Wow, you should be the lawyer.

Arrested Development Quotes

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom

There's no "I" in "win"!

Steve Holt