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The-simpsons

I don't ride side-saddle. I'm as straight as a submarine.

Grampa: Unfortunately, like all true stories, this one has a crappy ending.
Bart: You have a story with an ending.

Bart: He's alive!
Marge: And he didn't pee on the floor.
Grampa: For me that's a perfect day.

Homer: Sorry, Dad. I was afraid the dragon wouldn't cough the moon back up.
Grampa: You idiot! Dragon always coughs the moon back up.

Grampa: And I created an alcoholic hippo.
Homer: You never showed it to me!
Grampa: A stupid alcoholic hippo!

I'm Santa!? Oh, now I'll never die.

You two look good - open casket good.

In 1957 I saw him turn turn the Secretary of Agriculture into the Secretary of the Interior. It was hell on their wives, but it sure brought down corn prices. Built a house out of corn. It was the worst home I ever owed? when it got really hot it smelled like Frito's.

What can I do for you? Eat something green? Vote for someone brown?

Grampa: The television only has one channel.
Aide: That's a fish tank!
Grampa: You're a fish tank.
Aide: That was hurtful. I wish I was a fish tank, then I could filter out his nasty words.

Marge: I'm sorry, Maggie, but growing up means giving up the things you love.
Grampa: It's true. I had to give up everything but raisins, and the doctor says even those are killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails they are.

Selma: Now, we are on our honeymoon
Grampa: I thought we were at the circus, Lisa.
Selma: Whoa boy.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 112 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito.

Homer

I'm married to the sea, and I'm seeing two of the great lakes on the side. I won't say which ones but it's ERIE how SUPERIOR they are.

Sea Captain
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