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The-simpsons

(Bart and Lisa's breakfast with Grampa)
Grampa: (Pours Lisa a cup of coffee) Sugar?
Lisa: (Nervous) Yes, ten please.
Bart: (Rattlin') Hey Grampa, top me off!
Grampa: Are you sure your Ma let you kids drink coffee?
Bart: FOR THE LAST TIME, YES!!!!

Grampa: Oh, Lisa, what makes you think you deserve all that money?
Lisa: I don't deserve it, Grampa. No one here does. The people who deserve it are on the streets, and they're in the slums. They're little children who need more library books and families who can't make ends meet. Of course, if you really wanted to, you could buy me a pony.
Grampa: You're right!
Lisa: I'll name her Princess, and I'll ride her every day!

Bea: So, um, (Clears throat) tell me about yourself.
Grampa: Uh, widower, one son, one working kidney. And you?
Bea: Widowed, bad hip and liver disorder.

Grampa: Out of my way, I got a date with an angel.
Jasper: You don't know how right you are, Abe.
Grampa: What?
Jasper: I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Bea passed away last night.
Grampa: Oh no.
Jasper: It was her ticker. The doctor said her left ventricle burst.
Grampa: No, Jasper. They may say she died from a burst ventricle, but I know she died of a broken heart.

(At the casino)
Grampa: Put it all on 41. (To Homer) I've got a feeling about that number.
Roulette Operator: The wheel only goes to 36, sir.
Grampa: Okay, put it all on 36! (To Homer) I've got a feeling about that number.

Grampa: Eh, what are you, uh, doing tonight?
Bea: Sitting alone in my room.
Grampa: (Disappointed) Oh, well, if you've got plans already--

(At Bea's funeral.)
Homer: I can't tell you how sorry I am, Dad.
Grampa: (Sarcastically) Is someone talking to me? I didn't hear anything.
Homer: Oh no! Dad's lost his hearing!

(Grampa mourns Bea alone in his room.)
Lionel Hutz: It was a beautiful service, wasn't it, Mr. Simpson?
Grampa: (Yells) Who the hell are you?
Lionel Hutz: Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law! I'm the executor of Beatrice Simmons' estate. Mr. Simpson, Bea was a wealthy woman and, surprise, surprise, she left everything to you.
Grampa: Really?
Lionel Hutz: There is one catch. You must spend one night ina haunted house!
Grampa: (Gasps)
Lionel Hutz: (Chuckles) Just kidding, just kidding.

(Grampa rides a roller coaster alone.)
Grampa: I miss Bea.
(Bea's ghost appears in the seat next to Grampa.)
Bea: I miss you too.
Grampa: (Screams in fright)
Bea: Oh, Abraham, calm down. I'm not here to scare you. They've got me haunting a family in Texas.

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