The Simpsons

Grampa Simpson Quotes (Page 11)

(Grampa comes home and forgives Homer.)
Homer: Dad?
Grampa: Sonny boy!
(The two hug.)
Grampa: Is there room at your table for a foolish old man?
Homer: Well, sure! Eh, we'll have to move a chair in from the den. But it's no problem. Bart!
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: Oh, Lisa, what makes you think you deserve all that money?
Lisa: I don't deserve it, Grampa. No one here does. The people who deserve it are on the streets, and they're in the slums. They're little children who need more library books and families who can't make ends meet. Of course, if you really wanted to, you could buy me a pony.
Grampa: You're right!
Lisa: I'll name her Princess, and I'll ride her every day!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bea: So, um, (Clears throat) tell me about yourself.
Grampa: Uh, widower, one son, one working kidney. And you?
Bea: Widowed, bad hip and liver disorder.
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: Out of my way, I got a date with an angel.
Jasper: You don't know how right you are, Abe.
Grampa: What?
Jasper: I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Bea passed away last night.
Grampa: Oh no.
Jasper: It was her ticker. The doctor said her left ventricle burst.
Grampa: No, Jasper. They may say she died from a burst ventricle, but I know she died of a broken heart.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Grandpa explains the story of Herb's conception to Homer.)
Grandpa: It all happened when I was courting your mother.
(Flash back to a younger Grandpa at a carnival.)
Grandpa: (Narrating) I was checking out the skirts at the local carnival when I first saw her.
Woman: (To Grandpa) Hey, handsome, wanna dunk the clown?
Grandpa: (Narrating) She did things your mother would never do, like have sex for money. A year later, the carnival came back to town, and she had a little surprise for me.
(The woman shows Grandpa baby Herb.)
(Flash forward to present day.)
Grandpa: We left the baby at the Shelbyville Orphanage, and I never saw him again.
(Flash back to Grandpa at his wedding)
Grandpa: (Narrating) A year later, I married your mother, and we had you.
(Flash forward to Homer's mother after the delivery.)
Mother Simpson: Abe, I want Homer to grow up respecting his father. He must never know about that-that carnival incident.
Grandpa: Okay.
Mother Simpson: Promise you won't tell him.
Grandpa: I promise.
(Flash forward to present day.)
Grandpa: Whoops! Forget what I just told you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: Oh, son, don't overreach. Go for the dented car, the dead-end job, the less attractive girl. I blame myself. I should have had this talk a long time ago.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Grampa: What's the matter, boy?
Homer: Nothing.
Grampa: You haven't said boo all night and usually I have to wrestle the bucket out of your greasy mitts.
Homer: Dad, I'm in love.
Grandpa: Uh-oh. Why don't you grab yourself a beer, boy.
Homer: But, Dad, I don't drink.
Grandpa: Cut the crap! (Imitating Homer) I just collect the cans, Daddy! (Normal) Now, grab yourself a beer and get me one, too.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: I just want you to know that I love you, Dad.
Grampa: You do?
Homer: Uh-huh.
Grampa: Oh, son, I love you too. Hey, how about a hug?
(Homer and Abe hug)
Homer: Dad!
Grampa: Sonny boy!
Homer: Papa!
Grampa: Junior!
Homer: My old man.
(Homer crosses "Make peace with Dad" on his list.)
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: Let's go! If I'm not back at the home by nine they declare me legally dead and collect my insurance!
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: What's your hurry?
Homer: This place is depressing.
Grampa: Hey!I live here!
Homer: I'm sure it's a blast once you get used to it.
 • Rating: Unrated

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