Grampa Simpson Quotes (Page 9)
Season 4, Episode 15: "I Love Lisa"
Grampa: Bah, this is just another Hallmark holiday cooked up to sell cards.
Jasper: Aww... a Valentine from my daughter!
Abe: Can I have the envelope?
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 12: "Marge vs. the Monorail"
The Monorail Song
Lyle Lanley: Y'know, a town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!
(audience laughs)
Homer: Heh heh! Mule.
Lyle Lanley: The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Aw, it's not for you. It's more of a Shelbyville idea.
Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a minute! We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville! Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it!
Lyle Lanley: All right, I tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea! I give you the Springfield Monorail! (audience gasps) I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrooke, and by gum, it put them on the map!
Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
Electrified,
Six-car
Monorail! ...
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty & Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
(crowd chants "Monorail" softly and rhythmically)
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud.
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll all be given cushy jobs.
Grampa: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken.
All: Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
Homer: Mono... D'oh!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 4, Episode 10: "Lisa's First Word"
Homer: Dad, I have a problem.
Grampa: Why did you come to me? I don't know nothin'. I used to get by on my looks. Now they're gone... withered away like an old piece of fruit. (Sobs)
Homer: Are you done?
Grampa: No, not yet! I was voted the handsomest boy in Albany, New York!
Homer: Dad, I don't need advice! I need 15,000 dollars to buy a home!
Grampa: Oh, well. All I own is this house, that I built with my own two hands!
Homer: You didn't build this house! You won it on a crooked 50's game show!
Grampa: I ratted on everybody and got off scott free!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 8: "New Kid on the Block"
Grampa: Bart, oh you remembered my birthday?
Bart: Huh? Oh, I sure did! Here's a bus schedule.
Grampa: Wow, fits right in my pocket.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 7: "Marge Gets a Job"
Grampa: Have you ever read "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"?
Bart: I glanced at it. Boy cries wolf, has a few laughs I forget how it ends.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 4, Episode 6: "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"
Grampa: Movies! What a rip-off! I don't have to stand here and take this.
I... zzzzzzz.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Homer: If you don't start making more sense, we're going to have to put you in a home.
Grampa: You already put me in a home.
Homer: Then we'll put you in the crooked home we saw on Sixty Minutes!
Grampa: I'll be good.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 4, Episode 5: "Treehouse of Horror III"
(Bart opens Grampa's gift, a box of cash)
Marge: Where'd you get all the money?
Grampa: The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment I'll raise hell.
• Rating: 4.3 / 5.0
Grampa: That doll is evil, I tell ya! Evil! Evil!
Marge: Grampa, you said that about all the other presents.
Grampa: I just want attention
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Homer: So then his wife comes through the door!
Bart: So?
Homer: Did I mention that she was dead?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Well, she was! And then, she hit him in the head with a golf-club!
Bart: And?
Homer: Don't you remember? He went golfing all the time, and it really bugged her.
Lisa: You said he went bowling!
Homer: D'oh!
Grampa: Homer! I've coughed up scarier stuff than that!
Bart: Hey, Grampa. Why don't you tell us a story? You've led an interesting life
Grampa: That's a lie, and you know it! But I did see a lot of movies
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Are we missing your favorite quote from "?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!
Total Quotes: 112
