Cougar Town

Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar town

Jules: Good morning! I've been up for hours
Grayson: I had eggs for breakfast
Jules: What?
Grayson: Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were sharing incredibly boring facts about each other

Laurie: Hey Grayson, if you were at a BBQ playing drinking games with your buds would you chug a girls beer and hug her sweetly from behind without trying to cop a feel if you weren't in love with her?
Grayson: Please stop coming to my bar

Grayson: You can't stand to be along for a second can you?
Jules: That is ridiculous
Grayson: So why did you go out with father time?
Jules: Because I am a history buff and I haven't been in a car with only a lap belt in a long time

Jules: Alright great the bet starts now
Bobby [entering]: J-bird!
Grayson: Wow, point five seconds. I just went twenty dollars
Bobby: Sounds like I was involved, want to go splitsies?

Grayson: Your mom said, "no girls."
Kylie: It's okay, I'll just get my stuff.
Travis: Do you know what her stuff is? It's flavored lip gloss and an over-sizes t-shirt for when she gets, quote, tired and snuggly.

Grayson: So you're having the whole gang over turkey day, huh?
Jules: Well
Grayson: I don't really have any plans since my wife left and all our friends were pretty much her friends. And both my parents are dead....
Ellie: Did they die in the last six months?
Jules: No.
Ellie: Then who cares? Hand me my drink.

I say we act like men and bury it under a mountain of denial so deep that no one can make us believe it actually happened.

Bobby: When I was married, you know what Jules said to me?
Grayson: Please stop sleeping with other women?

Laurie: I wish you could make it simpler.
Grayson: Donkey likes hybrids, health care and homosexuals and elephant likes God.
Laurie: I saw an elephant pray in the circus once.
Grayson: Wow, that's relevant.
Laurie: So both of our votes count the same, right?
Grayson: Yeah, it's a great system.
Laurie: I think it works.

Bobby: You get a tiny leak in a dam, you gotta plug it up real quick or you'll be in a car with no breaks traveling down trouble highway.
Grayson: Wait, is the highway flooded? Where is this dam? You are mixing metaphors like a crazy person.
Bobby: My mom says I'm colorful.

Laurie: I have to admit last was pretty okay
Grayson: That's weird, during it you were vocal how good it was.
Laurie: Yeah, that's because it's not sex to moan, "oh this is okay."

Jules: When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it's always: "Way to go, Tiger!"
Grayson: We don't call each other Tiger. It's always Champ, or Samurai.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 108 in total

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!

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