The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Groundskeeper Willie Quotes
Get your Haggis right here! Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep's stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds!
Teens? In Willie's hidey-hole? I'll mop up your blood from the inside!
Ghost: How could you mistake him for me?
Willie: It was that sassy mouth that got you killed in the first place.
Groundskeeper Willie:(Singing) When you're alone, and life is getting you lonely, ye can always go, ACK! Doontoon.
Apu: Next
Principal Skinner: Pull, Willie, pull!
Groundskeeper Willie: I'm doin' all the pulling, you blouse-wearing poodle-walker!
Groundskeeper Willie: (Speaking into a microphone) If elected mayor, my first act will be to kill the lot of ya, and burn yer town to cinders!
(A man whispers something into his ear.)
Groundskeeper Willie: I know it's on!
Principal Skinner: Willie, go into the vent and get him.
Groundskeeper Willie: What!? Have ye gone waxy in yer beester? I canna fit in the wee vent, ye croquet-playin' mint-muncher!
Principal Skinner: Grease yourself up and go in, you guff-speaking work-slacker.
Groundskeeper Willie: Ooh. Good comeback.
Lisa: Willie, I didn't know you were an apiarist.
Groundskeeper Willie: From context, I can tell that means beekeeper.
I didn't cry when me own father was hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now.
Superintendent Chalmers: Willie, you're the new principal.
Willie: Who's the new groundskeeper?
Superintendent Chalmers: Also you. And you don't get more money.
Ah only took this refereein' gig 'cause ah was cold and they gave me this shirt.
My mule wouldn't walk in the mud. So I had to put seventeen bullets in him.
