Principal Skinner: Pull, Willie, pull!
Groundskeeper Willie: I'm doin' all the pulling, you blouse-wearing poodle-walker!

My mule wouldn't walk in the mud. So I had to put seventeen bullets in him.

Groundskeeper Willie:(Singing) When you're alone, and life is getting you lonely, ye can always go, ACK! Doontoon.
Apu: Next

I didn't cry when me own father was hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now.

Ahhh Wolfie, don't feel bad for losin'. I been wreslin' wolves since you were at your mother's teat.

Get your Haggis right here! Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep's stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds!

Willie: I'll have to use explosives.
Bart: Explosives? Great! [takes out map] If we put charges on the load bearing walls, we can blow up detention hall, leaving art class okay.
Willie: Hmm?
Bart: What! I like art, okay?
Willie: I'm blowing up the stump, not the school.
Bart: Right right, you never saw that.

(While hearing Lisa's bad saxophone playing) Sounds like the gopher I caught in me lawnmower.

Bart: Willie, I know you witnessed the most awesome prank since creation.
Willie: I'll nay speak to you of those dark times, Bart Simpson.
Bart: But if there was a more awesome dude than I, I need to know who he was, what he did and how many days detention he got.

Groundskeeper Willie: Come on ya pansies, I've seen fiercer fights in parliament
Sideshow Mel: What is this, prime minister's question time?

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer