Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Haley: Dad tried to fix all our problems and instead ruined all our lives.
Alex: Nightmare.
Claire: You girls are so dramatic. Do I need to call you a wambulance?

Haley: You used to be fun.
Phil: You used to be....what? Oh yeah, at college.

Alex: Hey are you sure you don't wanna play The Hunger Games with all of us?
Haley: My whole life is a hunger game, why do you think I'm so mean to you?

I know how awesome college is, that's how I got kicked out.

There's something about going to work that makes you feel like, I don't know, you're worth something. No offense mom.

Ok on one hand I'm like ugh I have to pick up garbage all day and on the other hand I'm like wow look at me in orange!

Haley: What is this a solar system?
Alex: They're molecules.
Haley: No they're nerdy balls.

Haley: In Legally Blonde Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute.
Phil: Haley this is real life, not an excellent movie.

Luke take me to mom and move slow, I'm still drunk...ing my coffee, mom!

You should just dip yourself in boy repellant!

Haley: Oh my God, what is that outfit? Are you going goth? You still sleep with a stuffed panda.
Alex: Isn't there a fraternity you need to pass out in?

Do you see what's going on out there? People are walking around judging each other.

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