She promised she wouldn't tell Dad until after I left for college, which means that he may never have found out.

It happens. Dolls grow up.

Phil: Someday I'll be walking you down the aisle.
Haley: Not if you're in perv jail.

There's this really cute boy at school and he kind of likes my feet.

Uh I have a party tonight. You promised I could go if I got a B on my test. I studied, I read stuff, what was the point of all that?

Saying nothing is not lying. It's just letting the truth speak for itself.

Uncle Cam, as her future prom date can you please talk to her? You know fashion and stuff.

Let me burn your clothes!

Dear College, Cheese makes me gassy, see you in September.

Haley: Did my 3rd grade teacher say I have ADD or something.
Claire: No honey she said you couldn't A-D-D because she also knew you couldn't S-P-E-L-L.

Are you trying to ruin college for me before it even starts?

Haley: You're a freshman, what are you doing in second year math?
Alex: You're a senior, what are you still doing in second year math?
Haley: Not still, again!

Modern Family Quotes

That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.

Phil

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay