Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication

So you're suggesting I should dump this whole writer thing and reinvent myself as a Hollywood manwhore?

Hank: Hideous creatures these teenage girls.
Felicia: Monstrous, couldn't agree with you more.
Hank: Is it too late to drown them in the tub?

Jackie: Writing is just a - a pipe dream. You can't really make a living doing something like that. Actually, that's how you end up teaching.
Hank: Ouch!

Jackie: Are you ok?
Hank: No, I just got my ass kicked by a J-crew catalog - I'm not OK.

Hank: This is frowned upon.
Jackie: Give me a break. You once spent an entire class ranting about how much you hate Coldplay. Something tells me you could care less about what's frowned upon.
Hank: Still one of my favorite lectures.

Hank: You still love me?
Karen: Always, that's the problem.

Do we think the ladies have gone too far with the sex positive feminism? I mean I know they're all down with the pornography and the shaved pudenda and what not, but do we really think this is the path to liberation?

Are you sexually harassing me right now? Because if you are, I think I'm going to have to report you - for giving me a serious boner.

She's not much one for chatting - texting, yes - twittering, tweeting, twatting, staring solemnly at the old man.

You ladies really are the most amazing creatures - my life's work. But then there's the morning after - the hangover, the realization that I'm not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. and she's gone and I'm haunted by yet another road not taken.

You know maybe if you just relaxed for half a second, and stopped looking so hard for the appropriate life mate, then you might wake up one morning next to one.

Hank: At least I'm not tucking my dong in class, not with my pants off anyway.
Felicia: Have you taken the sexual harassment seminar yet?

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 141 in total

Californication Quotes

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.

Lou

She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.

Tyler
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