So what's the move here? Good cop, bad cop, bald cop?

That's right, we're pullin' you over mutha fukka!

I can't believe this, we are actually sitting around watching a cop eat doughnuts.

Cop: I never pulled my piece out on the job, never, not once.
Hank: Ah, too bad the same can't be said for Runkes.

Samurai: What the fuck you got against Ryan Seacrest man?
Hank: Nothing in particular, the guy just bugs the shit out of me.
Samurai: Why? This mother fucker, he works hard, makes millions of dollars and he got a fuckin' catchphrase which I don't have and you wanna kill him dead? That's some harsh shit Moody.

No she's not right and even if she were you're her parent. It's your job to make her feel like she's wrong.

Innocent until proven diminutive.

Hank: Here's to bending over and taking it, Hollywood style.
Bates: And this from the nineteenth writer on Santa Monica Cap, I'm touched.
Hank: Ah douché my friend, douché .

Carrie: I'm so drunk on cock...stay here and fuck me again and again and again.
Hank: You don't want to live forever do you?

Let's get you home before this low rider turns back into a pumpkin.

Hank: Charlie is that a dildo in your pocket or you just happy to see me?
Charlie: I think I must have been reliving that pee thing, now it's just a shame boner.

Sometimes it's better not to touch your dreams.

Californication Quotes

Nobody likes you. You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you f--cking douche!

Hank Moody

She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.