Kali: Will you stop calling me a fucking bitch please!
Samurai: Come on Ma, I was just peacocking baby.
Hank: She is a beautiful woman, true dat.
Samurai: What's with the use of all the urban patois man?
Hank: Hey its the ABC's of me baby.

Tyler: What? You don't want a man pound?
Hank: Not really, especially when you put it that way.

Some girls are timid and lack focus, but you, you should be in porn.

I made myself a promise and I kept it! My heart and cock both swell with pride.

Charlie

I don't even know a mother fucker's real name. I just call him Alfred and he snaps right to it.

Samurai

He's like you but awesome.

Karen

Charlie: I missed yo black ass!
Hank: Later Masturbator.

I've got a kind of bunny boiler situation happening, she's got a key to my place.

Carrie: It's just, you fucked me in the ass Hank.
Hank: Oh, are we talking metaphorically? Because...
Carrie: No, I gave up the butt for you!

I enjoy the casual nature of things.

Movie Karen: Why does he love her so much? I mean what is it about her?
Hank: I don't know. I don't think I've ever known. I think sometimes you get it right the first time and then it defines your life. It becomes who you are.

Hank: You're clearly the better man.
Ben: Yeah Hank? Like that was ever up for debate buddy.

Californication Quotes

Nobody likes you. You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you f--cking douche!

Hank Moody

Try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition. 33 to be exact.

Hank Moody