Kali: Will you stop calling me a fucking bitch please!
Samurai: Come on Ma, I was just peacocking baby.
Hank: She is a beautiful woman, true dat.
Samurai: What's with the use of all the urban patois man?
Hank: Hey its the ABC's of me baby.

Tyler: What? You don't want a man pound?
Hank: Not really, especially when you put it that way.

Some girls are timid and lack focus, but you, you should be in porn.

I made myself a promise and I kept it! My heart and cock both swell with pride.

Charlie

I don't even know a mother fucker's real name. I just call him Alfred and he snaps right to it.

Samurai

He's like you but awesome.

Karen

Charlie: I missed yo black ass!
Hank: Later Masturbator.

I've got a kind of bunny boiler situation happening, she's got a key to my place.

Carrie: It's just, you fucked me in the ass Hank.
Hank: Oh, are we talking metaphorically? Because...
Carrie: No, I gave up the butt for you!

I enjoy the casual nature of things.

Movie Karen: Why does he love her so much? I mean what is it about her?
Hank: I don't know. I don't think I've ever known. I think sometimes you get it right the first time and then it defines your life. It becomes who you are.

Hank: You're clearly the better man.
Ben: Yeah Hank? Like that was ever up for debate buddy.

Californication Quotes

I feel like the good lord himself picked me up with his bare hands, laid me down on a bed of rusty nails, pinned my ankles behind my ears and just stuck it in. No Vaseline no lube no nothin. Not even a little spittle. That mother fu-ker just took his Darth Vader helmet, that big Darth Vader helmet and just rammed it home. He wrecked my pretty little virgin a--hole, my sweet little brown bud. Pulled out, came on my t-ts, wiped his di-k on the curtains and left me for dead. That's just me. How bout you guys?

Hank

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.

Lou