Venture Brothers

Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon Network
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Henchman 21: Do we have souls?
Henchman 24: Yes, but they're not quite souls, but in Earth's general idea, everything has a soul.
Henchman 21: Crap, so I guess we should become vegetarian.
Henchman 24: No, like everything living has a soul, even spinach. You can't win.
Henchman 21: So that's a problem.
Henchman 24: Here's something. You know how people cry about aborting babies because of their soul? Turns out you don't get a soul until you're like one.
Henchman 21: So, weird, one. Really?
Henchman 24: Or maybe six months. I forget. Either way, you're just this little crying, pooing monster blob until you get your soul.

Henchmen 24: Ask me any question.
Henchmen 21: Okay, what's the meaning of life?
Henchmen 24: The color twelve.
Henchmen 21: Really?
Henchmen 24: No, idiot, ask me something less Hitchhiker's Guide, dork.

Henchman 21: Here is where you are wrong, my friend. This woman has killed before.
Henchman 24: Allegedly.
Henchman 21: Okay, whatever. But she was a big girl. We are talking about a large, healthy woman of questionable stability.
Henchman 24: Oh, you are totally underestimating the never-say-die scrappiness of a survivor.
Monarch: Hey, guess what? Nobody cares who would win in a crazy fantasy fist-fight between Anne Frank and Lizzy Borden. We never should have brought the henchmen! We're going to be the only ones there with henchmen! I'm gonna have to kill them. Pull over if you see a good spot to dump their bodies!

Henchman #24: Boss, there's a monster down here!
Henchman #21: I think it was two ninjas taped together to make one giant ninja!

Henchman 24: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.
Henchman 21: Oh my God, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
Henchman 24: Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.
Henchman 21: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! They're mammals

Displaying all 5 quotes

Venture Bros. Quotes

Hank: You are not the boss of me
Sgt Hatred: Au contraire, I am tony danza to your spunky Alyssa Milano. I am full on Charles In Charge of you

Hank: Is it just me or does every Nazi want to clone Hitler? It's like the only they think about
Srgt. Hatred: It seems that way, right. I guess when everyone hates you, you just fixate on making rotten Hitlers