Bender: Bite my freshly-molted, blubber-filled ass.
Hermes: You're just a giant lump of fat. Do you even have an ass under there?
Bender: I'm 40% ass! Arf arf!

Hermes: Jumpin' is for suckers. Oh ho, I'm good. Who wants a piece of me?
Zoidberg: I'll try a bite!

Bender: It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution.
Hermes: Mon, you had one hell of a day.

Hermes: Oh no, no more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you.
Bender: Oh, that's sweet, Hermes.

Zoidberg: Welcome back old friend, I missed you terribly!
Hermes: You do everything terribly! And I'm not your friend!
Zoidberg: Hahahaha! Good old Hermes! When he stops insulting, that's when I worry!

LaBarbara: Is that a harpoon in your chest?!
Hermes: Yes! And I'm happy to see you!

Hemes: So I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation?
Yuri: I am expert in shadowy field of many things.

Zoidberg: You don't understand, he was the only one who cared enough to insult me! I'll never see Hermes again!
Hermes: On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.

Hermes: People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be performing the annual performance review - with a twist!
Fry: Oh no, the firing tie!
Hermes: Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee - possibly Zoidberg - will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg.
Zoidberg: Hohohohoho. Classic Hermes.

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days?

Fry: So I went to the bathroom and my pee was green! Pretty neat, huh?
Hermes: I was wondering who Shreked in the toilet!

Doctor: My God I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack, especially this far inland.
Leela: It wasn't a shark it was an awful, incompetent doctor.
Doctor: Wow, he must have been a total zoidberg.
Hermes: It was Zoidberg!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 106 in total

Futurama Quotes

Farnsworth: (on the phone) Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well then. (hangs up) Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu.
Leela: Was his apartment rent-controlled?

Fry: Bender, what is it?
Bender: Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two.
Fry: It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

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