Bender: Bite my freshly-molted, blubber-filled ass.
Hermes: You're just a giant lump of fat. Do you even have an ass under there?
Bender: I'm 40% ass! Arf arf!

Hermes: Jumpin' is for suckers. Oh ho, I'm good. Who wants a piece of me?
Zoidberg: I'll try a bite!

Bender: It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution.
Hermes: Mon, you had one hell of a day.

Hermes: Oh no, no more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you.
Bender: Oh, that's sweet, Hermes.

Zoidberg: Welcome back old friend, I missed you terribly!
Hermes: You do everything terribly! And I'm not your friend!
Zoidberg: Hahahaha! Good old Hermes! When he stops insulting, that's when I worry!

LaBarbara: Is that a harpoon in your chest?!
Hermes: Yes! And I'm happy to see you!

Hemes: So I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation?
Yuri: I am expert in shadowy field of many things.

Zoidberg: You don't understand, he was the only one who cared enough to insult me! I'll never see Hermes again!
Hermes: On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.

Hermes: People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be performing the annual performance review - with a twist!
Fry: Oh no, the firing tie!
Hermes: Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee - possibly Zoidberg - will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg.
Zoidberg: Hohohohoho. Classic Hermes.

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days?

Fry: So I went to the bathroom and my pee was green! Pretty neat, huh?
Hermes: I was wondering who Shreked in the toilet!

Doctor: My God I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack, especially this far inland.
Leela: It wasn't a shark it was an awful, incompetent doctor.
Doctor: Wow, he must have been a total zoidberg.
Hermes: It was Zoidberg!

Futurama Quotes

Singer: Call Robo-Rooter when you flush your towel.
Plumber-bot: And we can also help with an impacted bowel!

Little: Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout. Destructor, a robotic armoured tank, whose very use at battle has been ruled a war crime, versus Gender Bender, who wears a pink tutu. This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell, here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise?
Foreman: This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot tall mechanical Joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.
Little: Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1000-0; a bet of $0 on Bender pays $1000 if he wins. Still, very few takers.
Foreman: It's not-not a smart bet.