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The-simpsons

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

(Homer tries to retrieve the angry letter that Bart accidentally put in the mail.)
Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
P.O. Worker: Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer: I...don't know.

Default? Woohoo! The two sweetest words in the English language!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer: Mmmm... 64 slices of American cheese.
(sits down at the table with the stack of slices)
Homer: 64... (eats it) 63... (eats it)
(The next morning)
Homer: Two... (eats it very slowly) one... (eats it)
(Marge walks in)
Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: (slurred) I think I'm blind...

Homer: Marge, where's that... metal... dealy... you use to... dig... food?
Marge: You mean a spoon?
Homer: Yeah yeah yeah!

Emojis! Now she's gone to far.

Bart: Hey, Dad, how come we can't get a decent mower, like the Flanders have?
Homer: Just be happy with what what you've got, son. Don't try to keep up with the Flander-es-es.

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