I cheat on my diet, but nobody knows cause the damage is on the inside and the first warning sign is sudden death.

Hmmm...historically inaccurate.

Homer: People here do not respect boundaries.
Ned: Homer, did you just buckle your belt through my loop?

Cleatus the football robot, you're my only hope.

Homer: And now because it's after noon, I can go to Moe's without having a "drinking problem."
Moe: Hey Homer, I could hear your pathetic rationalizing through the door.

Lenny: Trouble in paradise?
Homer: No, my marriage.

Homer: Now that's what I call a snappy retort.
Marge: Stop saying what you call things! I'm trying to watch the movie.

Choke on my numb blue hands.

Bart: But where does the ship stop again?
Homer: I don't know. A lot of barefoot kids kicking soccer balls, shell necklaces, they really hit the poverty nicely.

Bart's been raptured and his crap's been craptured.

Marge: This is the stupidest fight ever!
Homer: We've had stupider!

Now to save on calories, I won't eat the paper in the fortune cookie.

The Simpsons Quotes

Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!

(Squishing an ice cream to his forehead) I'm a unitard!

Ralph