I cheat on my diet, but nobody knows cause the damage is on the inside and the first warning sign is sudden death.

Hmmm...historically inaccurate.

Homer: People here do not respect boundaries.
Ned: Homer, did you just buckle your belt through my loop?

Cleatus the football robot, you're my only hope.

Homer: And now because it's after noon, I can go to Moe's without having a "drinking problem."
Moe: Hey Homer, I could hear your pathetic rationalizing through the door.

Lenny: Trouble in paradise?
Homer: No, my marriage.

Homer: Now that's what I call a snappy retort.
Marge: Stop saying what you call things! I'm trying to watch the movie.

Choke on my numb blue hands.

Bart: But where does the ship stop again?
Homer: I don't know. A lot of barefoot kids kicking soccer balls, shell necklaces, they really hit the poverty nicely.

Bart's been raptured and his crap's been craptured.

Marge: This is the stupidest fight ever!
Homer: We've had stupider!

Now to save on calories, I won't eat the paper in the fortune cookie.

The Simpsons Quotes

Larry: What you got riding on this?
Homer: My daughter.
Larry: What a gambler!

Maggie? Oh, you must be sick. Let's see, what's old Dr. Washburn prescibe? Do you have dropsy? The grippe? Scofula? The vapors? Jungle rot? Dandy fever? Poor man's gout? Housemaid's knee? Climatic poopow? The staggers? Dum-dum fever?

</i> Abe