Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 131)
Season 2, Episode 12: "The Way We Was"
Marge: When I got home I realized who I should have gone to the prom with.
Homer: Who? (Realizing) Oh.
Marge: My prom date.
Homer: Marge, pour vous.
Marge: Why so glum?
Homer: I've got a problem. As soon as you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you, and kiss you, and then I'll never be able to let you go! (Fade back to the present) And I never have...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Grampa: What's the matter, boy?
Homer: Nothing.
Grampa: You haven't said boo all night and usually I have to wrestle the bucket out of your greasy mitts.
Homer: Dad, I'm in love.
Grandpa: Uh-oh. Why don't you grab yourself a beer, boy.
Homer: But, Dad, I don't drink.
Grandpa: Cut the crap! (Imitating Homer) I just collect the cans, Daddy! (Normal) Now, grab yourself a beer and get me one, too.
• Rating: Unrated
Homer: (to the kids) Do you two have to sit so close to the TV? Back up or it'll hurt your eyes.
Bart: Oh, it will not.
Homer: (Holding his fist up) Oh, yes, it will.
• Rating: Unrated
Waiter: (to Homer) Steak or chicken?
Homer: One of each, please.
Barney: (running naked) Coming through!
Homer: Barney!!!
• Rating: Unrated
(At debate team practice, Homer and Artie Ziff hold a debate.)
Artie: Our current speed limit is an anachronism. The fatuity--
Homer: (Reading from a dictionary.) "Ignoramus."
Artie: --Will you shut up?
Homer: Wait a minute. That word you keep calling me?
Artie: Ignoramus?
Homer: Ignoramus! It means I'm stupid, doesn't it?
Artie: There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity.
Homer: Not to me, there isn't, you--
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer?
Homer: --ignoramus!
Artie: You're the ignoramus.
Homer: No, you are!
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?
Homer: With pleasure. (Everyone gasps as Homer moons the class.)
• Rating: Unrated
(In detention.)
Homer: So, uh, what are you in for?
Marge: I'm a political prisoner. (Muttering) Last time I ever take a stand.
Homer: Well, I'm in here for being me. Every day, I show up, act like me, and they slap me in here.
• Rating: Unrated
Homer: When I see you forming the vowels and continents . . .
Marge: Consonants.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 2, Episode 11: "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"
Homer: Ahem. This is a videotape for my daughter Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. Woooooooo! Hee hee hee, hope that didn't scare you. Well, Maggie, you're grown-up now, and unless you taped over this, you're probably wondering what kind of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, a gentle man who loved his children and- (Phone rings) D'oh! Hello! Yeah, he's here, who is this? (Scratches butt) Bart's friend Milhouse? Bart! Get your butt down here!
• Rating: Unrated
Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little!
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.
• Rating: Unrated
(Homer, at the hospital after eating some poisoned blowfish.)
Homer: (Imitating Lisa) Try something new, Homer! What'll it hurt you, Homer? (Regular voice) I never heard of a poison pork chop!
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 1481