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Hello Jerry, remember last month when I paid back that loan, well now I need you to do a favor for me.

Steward: Yes, sir, can I get you something?
Homer: Playing cards, note pad, aspirin, sewing kit, pilot's wing pin, propeller-shaped swizzle stick, sleeping mask, and anything else I've got coming to me.

Faith Crowley: These are special VIP badges. They'll get you into places other tourists never see.
Homer: Miss, what does the "I" stand for?
Faith Crowley: Important.
Homer: Ooh. How about the "V"?
Faith Crowley: Very.
Homer: Oh. And Miss, just one more question.
Faith Crowley: Person.
Homer: Ah... What does the "I" stand for again?

Who would have guessed reading and writing would pay off?!

Marge: Look, Homer, it's the IRS.
Homer: Boo!
IRS Agent: Oh boo, yourself!

Ooh, I love your magazine. My favorite section is, "How To Increase Your Word Power." That thing is really, really...really...good.

</i> Homer

(The Simpson family tours The White House.)
Bart: (Reading plaque) On this spot, Richard Nixon bowled back-to-back 300 games.
Homer: Yeah, right.

They take hundreds of magazines, filter out the crap, and leave you with something that fits right in your front pocket! (Homer struggles to fit it in his pocket)

Homer: Then I heard the sound that all Arctic explorers dread, the pitiless bark of the sea lion! (gasp) He'll be killed!
Marge: Homer, he obviously got out alive if he wrote the article...
Homer: Don't be so.....(turns the page). Oh you're right.

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