The Simpsons

Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 138)

(At Springfield Stadium, as Dancin' Homer, Homer tries to psyche out a player from the opposing baseball team.)
Homer: Oooh! Boogie-boogie-boogie-boogie-boogie! Oooh! Boogie-boogie-boogie-boogie-boogie!
Player: Hey, knock that off, or I'll stick this bat where the sun don't shine!
Homer: Oh, yeah? And where might that be?
(Off camera, the player shows Homer where.)
Homer: (Frightened) Oh!
 • Rating: Unrated

(At Moe's, Homer reaches the point in his story in which he has to decide to move to Captial City.)
Homer: This was the biggest decision the Simpsons ever faced. I should have listened to the kids instead of my big, dumb wife. Oh, I shouldn't have called her that. Bite my tongue, bite my tongue--Oww!
 • Rating: Unrated

(The Simpson family make their way to their seats at Springfield Stadium.)
Lisa: I can't think of a better place to spend a balmy summer's night than the old ball yard. There's just the green grass of the outfield, the crushed brick of the infield, and the white chalk lines that divide the man from the little boy.
Homer: (Chuckles) Lisa, honey. You're forgetting the beer. It comes in 72-ounce tubs here.
Marge: I hope you'll space out the tubs this year, Homer.
Homer: What are you getting at?
Marge: Well, last year you got a little rambunctious and mooned the poor umpire.
Homer: Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right--no, the duty--to make a complete ass of myself.
Marge: Mmmph.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer gives a farewell speech to the fans at Springfield Stadium)
Homer: Some may say that I have been given a bad break in life; little education, bald as a cue ball, ten years on the same job for the same salary. But today, as I leave for Capital City, I consider myself the luckiest mascot on the face of the earth.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: D'oh, Marge, sitting next to the boss! The best night of the year and it's ruined!
Marge: All this means is you can't wave your fanny around in public.
Homer: Oh, yeah, rub it in!
 • Rating: Unrated

Man: Get on the bus, Dancin' Homer!
Homer: Will you shut up, I'm trying to think of a name!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: I have to convince my supervisor to give me a leave of absence.
Supervisor: Sure! How long would you like, four years? Five years!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: As my son would say, I'm one sad ape-like dude.
 • Rating: Unrated

(With Homer in his car, Mr. Burns suddenly decides to run for governor.)
Homer: Where are we going, sir?
Mr. Burns: To create a new and better world!
Homer: If it's on the way, could you drop me off at my house?
 • Rating: Unrated

(In a publicity stunt, Mr. Burns is a dinner guest at the Simpson home.)
Homer: Bart, would you like to say grace?
Bart: Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.
(Everyone gasps.)
Mr. Burns: (Chuckles) Only an innocent child could get away with such blasphemy. God bless them all. Amen.
(Everyone sighs.)
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!